Sponsoring a Drug Addict or Alcoholic  

 You can't fix someone from drugs or alcohol. I had a friend from the gym who I got into the program. She was hooked on crack and alcohol, her daily reprieve. 

She wasn't looking for a sponsor, but I suppose saw me as her enabler.  She had many boyfriends too. Her tactic was to lure various males into relationships, so she could then convince them to buy her crack for her. She tapped into the men in the program, vulnerable somewhat, newbies who saw the easy sex issue as all important, more so than their own sobriety and safety as human beings. 

She managed to hook in 32 men from the program, getting them into her car, taking off her underwear, offering herself, getting them entwined with her, then threatening to report them for rape if they didn't buy her crack. 

I just couldn't convince her and this was going on while I didn't know, mostly. When I found out about a few of these incidents and the drama, I asked her to go to sex addicts anonymous. This angered her, and she was really mad at me for telling he about this. I mean, being a sex addict for drugs just isn't normal, and her relationships were really dramatic surrounding drugs. 

She called me on the phone one day telling me once again she was with one of her boyfriends & was using crack. I was supposed to enable her and coddle her, in her view. I told her not to call me anymore because I wasn't going to tolerate her habitual drug use. She became furious and called the police and told the police I had threatened her. 

I've been falsely accused quite several times in my life, but I did have to answer to a detective. I went in to discuss the issue with the detective. He told me he had 32 rape reports by her for 32 different men. I told him, that I was her sponsor & got her into the 12-step program, and she wouldn't listen to me. I suppose the threat was withdrawing myself as an enabler of her abuse and drug usage.  

I don't know if the men were actually innocent or guilty, but I do know that she would tell me about how she would take off her underpants in her car with various guys she liked. I noticed that she would get them to buy her crack, probably so she wouldn't be caught or arrested. 

I stopped being her sponsor and I did cease sponsoring others, or trying to save their lives, from that point on. Trying to fix a broken record may not be possible, and most often they resent good advice and guidance. They think it's a threat to their drugged lifestyles and will go as far as to make felony false police reports, which then goes on my police complaint record making people question my character, which is disturbing at times. 

You can't fix anyone when they are addicted, and most often, if you try to help them, they resent it and think you are their enemy, so sponsors beware. Doing good will is not always seen as good will. They can become very hostile if you ask them to go to an AA meeting.  Getting the drug or the drink becomes more important than any relationship, trust, the bills, responsibilities, and what's best for the job or the kids. It's best to take care of yourself and only work with honest, diligent people who have proven they are taking every step to stay clean and sober, so you don't get used as an enabler. 

There are millions of “functional drug addicts" and “functional alcoholics” though too. You'll see them in the workplace, anywhere, in the police forces, in our government body, at school, and they will make you think they are normal because they go to work and earn monies, or have enough monies to pay the bills. Just because they are functioning at a certain level, doesn't mean they are functionally clean and sober. 

You'll find prescription drug addicts, addicts, and alcoholics sometimes in religious bodies, such as priests, rabbis, and more. Many judges who sit on the bench are prescription junkies and alcoholics. You'll find the problem in every walk of life, no matter how high or low you look.  

Only help those who sincerely want the help, and only if you have the time.  It's an anonymous program, so don't kiss and tell. The worse thing you can do is betray the trustworthiness of the anonymous program.  It's not about PR, property, and prestige. 

Many people go into the program just to get court papers signed, but are not there to get clean and sober. They are just trying to give the court something, so they can get out of going to jail. Some go to the program because they can get a room in a recovery house paid for by the State and are not there to work the program or get clean and sober. They use the program as crash houses only and move from place to place, cause when they get discovered using, they are told to leave. 

Some go to the program and see it as a pickup joint. It's not. It's not a place for easy pickins, yet there may be those who are like my old sponsored who refused to give up the crack and alcohol.  

Let's face it, alcohol or drugs, or both destroyed enough of our lives and trying to have normal relationships or even a normal workforce of some sort with alcoholics and drug addicts may also be difficult.   

May you trudge the road of happy recovery.