Reconstructing America - Diary, MeToo, Music, Art, Film, Law: 2014

     Reading the emails sent to me after Obama's State of the Union Address I noticed something quite interesting: Obama mentioned the fact that women are abused at jobs and that the "mad men" mentality belongs elsewhere, maybe a TV episode. The abuses involve pregnant women or those who have to care for an elder parent, but the abuses go much farther, which no one is discussing on international television or any other media that I have heard of yet, but I applaud President Obama's initiative and his attempt to awaken the sleeping disinterest for the well-being and rights of women. He has every right to do so and one day hopefully, we can kiss those mocking, arrogant, bullying, male misogynists good-by out of politics and leadership forever.
     First of all, may I mention that most of the business world and corporate America is ran by men, but not for any real logical reason; men have used ruthless tactics to oppress and suppress women on the job market or from gaining any economic control or of acquiring any resources. Corporations are ran by men, and men are typically promoted over women nine times out of ten.
     Some say that the only way for change to take place is through some form of revolution. Call it what you will and revolution can mean a peaceful revolution, which enables those misogynists and fascist-type of control freaks to continuously use ruthless tactics to harm women, or outright violent revolution; whereas, they may listen in forced situations, but not without the costs of sending their male led gun carrying law thugs after you. A lot of women have suffered, have had to endure rapes, violence, murder, and mayhem for over two hundred years in America. When is peaceful revolution going to be considered and discussed directly and when is real revolution going to start to change society. What I mean by forced revolution is for women to unite, support each other, promote each other, support each other's law cases, represent each other, bear witness for each other, and also protect one another and selves from rape, violence, and death threats.
     Women typically take the peaceful route or the more pain filled route though. They suffer in silence and spend year after year being mistreated, raped, pillaged, robbed, undermined, ignored, mocked, berated, ridiculed, hit, beat, and much more; while men enjoy the big huge shows they create while they stamp their penile names on the contracts, bank assets, currency, and corporate above the line chains.
      You have to remember that men are typically born into a privileged state of mind and mental condition; whereas, society immediately sanctions and has paved a roadway for man to travel economically, spiritually, and financially. There were no real roads paved for women, although there may be a few back dirt roads which are harder to travel.
     There are women, such as myself, who have spent a lifetime under the duress created by men and the women who support their hate crimes and misogyny. Our rapists do not get sent to prison but set loose on society, as if those rapists, torturers, beaters, and thieves are the lawmakers or front for a male-led society of misogynists called America.
      Women, such as myself, have had no legal recourse what so ever and we do not walk around with badges and guns to stop a criminal or rapist. We expect that police, lawyers, and judges to put these bad people away, but they let them lose and they help escalate the problems. Women like us have been raped in parking lots, in our own beds, in our own homes, on the streets, in the military, on the job, and behind closed doors. We have been raped on mountains, cars, under bridges, on corners, in bushes, on hills, & in our own backyards; yet, most of us cannot do a thing about it and find no justice at all. Society expects us to grin and bear it, live normally and act as if nothing happened, and that rape is not a big issue. Society acts as if rape and violence against women is ok and not so bad, comparing it with war society sends its men into. Society, led by men for men, brushes violence and rape under the rug as if this an expected resource to the men in society.
      Women like us have tried to work our entire life to only have to work under the thumb of abusive cruel bosses who pay us extremely low wages, while we endure constant sexual harassment, verbal abuse, angry criticisms, heavy-handed overwork, nit-picking skepticism and firings, with no benefit packages whatsoever. We sit there under the thumb of the big honcho, the big cheese, with his big position and name title. We watch as he earns a seven or eight digit figures, while we count our change, scrounge, and are constantly told to count our blessings or be grateful for the little we have or surviving violence and rape.
      I went to work, working under various lawyers while struggling to find success in the entertainment business. I had a lot of talent in the arts world, including singing, dancing, choreography, songwriting, musicianship, and stage but needed a job in the meantime. Since the entertainment business was filled with some of the worst buffoons of unintegrous cesspool stench to begin with (another industry almost completely ran by men for men), I decided that maybe in the legal field I would find some bread and butter. A lawyer hired me for his firm as his secretary shortly at extremely low pay of course. I think I earned about six dollars per hour with no benefits or even less. Daily, he would sexually abuse me, make baffling statements that made me feel extremely uncomfortable, and trap me in the elevator while trying to force me to give him falacio. Not only was he not my type, but he was so repulsive to me, I just could not understand why he would not understand that I was not attracted to him. It was quite strange that he did not care whether I felt for him or was in any way attracted to him. He treated me like an object, abused daily, and he was quite disgusting to look at, to be frank. Keep in mind he did not treat me lady-like, such as buying me a bouquet of flowers, sending me a sweet card, talking gently and caring to me. Instead, he was brutal and nasty, and demanding and expective. He actually enjoyed his sadistic remarks to me and how he made me feel. He enjoyed even more that I was working for next to nothing for him, carrying his load, while he got to be sadistic. I left. I left without any package, any compensation, without a law suit, and without regret. I also left with my memory of his ugly face, his lack of compassion, his insensitivity, and his haughty arrogant legal clout. Who the hell gave him a license to practice law and why are law colleges teaching men that it is just fine to oppress women, molest or rape them, or mistreat them?
      Keep in mind, to pursue a law case, one has to have a fine lawyer and there is lots of legal paperwork to file. If you make a mistake on one piece of paper, a heavy-handed judge can sanction you (fine you large amounts of money) if they feel like it. Also, you have to pay huge fees to hire an attorney to take your case. Someone in my position with no savings and no wealthy friends just had no real recourse. I had to grin and bear it and act as if nothing took place again.
     Everywhere I went I was abused, raped, and endured great stress from the constant emotional and sexual harassment I endured. From walking on the street to walking into an elevator; I was harassed everywhere I went. When I walked on a public boulevard men would yell out of their cars at me using all sorts of innuendoes. Some followed me. Some pulled their cars in front of my studio and started to jerk off. It was no joke to me. I had to grin and bear it though.
     Now the next job I obtained was at the RCA building on Sunset Blvd. working for another mad man, yet I did not know it at the time. I was paid about six dollars per hour with no benefit package what so ever. But, I took the job having nothing else and no money at the time. I helped my boss with everything from being his A&R person, his secretary, and by being his emotional punching bag. Daily he sexually harassed me, and yet again I became an object to be sadistically treated, yelled at, mocked, criticized, and mistreated. He made disgusting remarks and made me feel so uncomfortable being in the same office as he was. I felt as if I was squeezed into this small space with this moron, this women-hating sadist, who was so far gone in his thinking, that there was no way he could ever change. He was arrogant, mocking, and hurtful. He was involved with a mistress and was married as well. He got his mistress pregnant. He'd come into the office drunk-like from drinking too much the night before and start making demands and talk to me as if I was his slave. He just had no respect for women. The job was so stressful and unbearable I finally left. My mental health was affected tremendously and I was suffering so much being abused by him daily, that I just had to leave; either that, or become seriously ill. Keep in mind I never yelled in those days or even cursed. I did not tell him off and was pretty much the silent suffering type. This is the typical kind of mode women adjust to that has been taught by men, which dictates that staying silent and modest is virtuous--even when faced with terrible injustices and wrongs. MEN have taught this "virtue" to women for hundreds of years. The brainwash of female virtue: staying silent, never cursing, staying even-tempered, quiet, demurring, frightful, small, delicate, and all-tolerant and long-suffering is just that: A HUGE BRAINWASH OF DISVIRTUE AND IDIOCY! What is virtuous, is taking control, suing, taking charge, putting an abuser in his place, letting his wife know what he has been up to, lending emotional support, calling police on him, and taking back your sense of self and well-being.
     We have to lay in bed waiting for our drunk husbands to come home and lay there when they expect to jump on top of us to fuck us without refuting their desires, even though they cheated with one of the bar girls the other day and we feel somehow repulsed by our own husbands. After all, they bring home the bread and butter, they claim, now don't they? We have to live in spread eagle dummy mode, always willing to lift our dresses up for his whims, putting up with our boyfriends, husbands, fiancés just because they say so or otherwise put up with some severe and harsh treatment; whether a beating, a real rape, a punch in the face, deprivation of our measly little allowance, and of course, the other woman. But, I have not been married to endure this nonsense I have to admit. It's enough, I went through some of this with boyfriends and a finance, and never mind marrying and committing my life to one of these maniacs! I know women who have though.
     Then, there was this rock star who turned my life upside down and inside out. He was the leader of ruthless mayhem committed to women and children. People applauded him for his rapes, his pedophile crimes, his mistreatment of women, and his many other crimes. People thought they were worshipping his music or just something about him that they could not ignore, but I inherently understood the subconscious illogic of an insane mind-set of predominant men who had no respect or real love for women and women who had learned to hate, berate, and disrespect themselves. Those are and were his fans and they lived in darkness, metaphorically speaking. People are often time social creatures in a way that undermines the individual choices of human beings. They see a frenzy happening over a rock star and others chanting and applauding and they automatically join in just because they want to be part of something and copy the next guy. They do not analyze and they lack critical thinking processes that would help them understand what they would be getting into by lauding someone they really know not a whole lot about.
     This rock star made a fortune off of singing songs he wrote about me, exploiting me in a ruthless business way, without regard for my well being, my financial security, my happiness, or whether I consented to the song exploits. He had a very strong obsession with me as well and as far as he was concerned he was supposed to the be the controller in my life as if I was his robot and I was not allowed satisfaction, success, red carpet treatment, financial wealth, or legal representation. The only person he thought about was him, not me or anyone else. At the same time, I went to work for ASCAP, which is a huge music license organization for the music industry. My job was assistant to President in a secretary role. That is, I took dictation, answered all his phone calls, wrote his letters, went over the song royalty lists, and who was to be collected from. This boss was not arrogant or abusive at first. He wasn't friendly either, but at least I did not have to put up with a bunch of forceful sexual innuendoes with someone I was not in love with. I made a mistake though. I copied a few copies of a press release for my own music show which was upcoming on the company machine. I typically used a place called Kinkos a few blocks away, but he had me coming in so early and leaving so late, that I had no time for Kinkos.
     Well, he did not mind at first and could take the five cents from my pay, but he got a call from this Rock star who had a huge name in the music industry at the time. The rock star was following me, watching my moves and could not stand the thought of me ever gaining the economic earning power to know my own powers of justice, that is, he could not stand to think I could afford a lawyer to face him in a court of law or take charge of the situation. He hated me having work, friends, other outside interests, longings, needs, and pretty much wanted to obliterate me from the face of the Earth. The rock star was looking to ruin any chance of earning power I could gain and got the President to fire me. Not only, was I without savings, any health insurance, any benefit package, any severance pay, I had been already living in a code violated office studio structure across the street which was infested with rats, had no shower facilities, cooking facilities, and no air conditioning or heating. In other words, it was a poor slum building and I could only afford at the time. I rented a room out of it, even though there were so many code violations because the rent was affordable. The wealthy rich rock star did not think of these things when he sought to have me fired. The man in the highchair did not think of these things when he all of a sudden told me that the rock star had called and he fired me. All this because of my small mistake or all this because big bad rock star or mad men said so? But ok, I was more than willing to pay the President for my few sheets of copy paper and the small amount of ink it took to print my show copies on too. He couldn't care less about the money though and was already willing to make a mountain out of a mole hill over this big rock star who was the big boss, the big concho, the mad man of mad men in a country that had its way every time with women, in a way so ruthless, cruel, and unjust that there was no way in my lifetime this was going to go unheard before some sort of community or people who thought with a higher leaning or those with a higher sense of justice, fairness, and logic. Although, ok, I shouldn't have ran off a few copies of my show flyer also, I admit, and just the same, it was not the worse thing in the world either. I never used anyone else's machine again though to be honest and have myself three printers ready to go in a moments notice or if one breaks down. But, I inherently understood that it was not the copies I ran off that shook up the boss so bad; it was the rock star and his commands upon the industry, which was backed by his wealth, position, title, and fame that the boss abided by. The rock star got his way again unjustly, unfairly, and through his typical mode of everyday warfare waged against women and children.
     The issue was also, I knew I had no recourse and did not have funds to hire an attorney either. The job was a very low paying job to begin with and to be real honest, it was way below my intelligence and was extremely boring. It was boring watching a man make the big money all day while I scrounge for one sandwich a day and a room for rent with a rat infested environment. I also did not know my own rights and was pretty much accepting of this sort of treatment, thinking that men had all the power and say so and could do whatever they wanted if they wanted it and when they wanted it. I wasn't raised with a strong female position or privilege and had no one to talk to about it. I never stood around begging and pleading for my low-paying slave-like position either or tried to get the boss to see logic and reason through the rock star's arrogant misuse of power. I just walked out and I think he forgot to give me my last weeks paycheck. I was too devastated as well, not so much by the firing, but by the awful evil power the rock star had over everyone it seemed. Almost all the women I knew were also victims of their birthright, abused by their own fathers, brothers, and spouses and left for dead oftentimes.
     I lived in my car for quite awhile though at some poknt, and since I had already been writing music since the age of 3 and playing music by ear by the age of ten, I had a lot of songs I had recorded independently. I put people on spec contracts and made music videos and took a chance, finding ways to make some ends meet. It was hard living in my car, really hard. It was sad too. But, I felt I just had to come up with some product that I could earn a living with and could take care of those I loved. I made something pretty excellent for its day as well and was lucky in that respect. I had record labels calling me and inviting me into their top offices. I met with some of the biggest music moguls in all history, those guys who started those big music corporations, and signed all the famous artist of the time and years prior.
     Each time I met with them though, there were conditions of contractual interest. I had to endure sexual abuse and forced sex to even be considered for a record deal. The things they said to me was so despicable and humiliating and they would discuss my private parts instead of my songs or music videos. I was told to go to their hotel room for sex first, wine and dine one with sexual motive, and unless I complied with the sexual demands I was not going to be at all considered to work in the music industry. I turned those psychotic offers down though. I just could not have sex with married men, those who I was not in like with, and did not understand the need to sell my body to go to work doing what I did best. I just could not comprehend why they were doing it, why they were picking on someone so much younger than they were, and why they needed to humiliate me so.
     At the same time, I was being stalked by the rock star and fiercely attacked, harassed, and he kept calling my slum studio with really ruthless statements, demands, threats, and more. I had found another job dancing, which was pretty much the only option left for me, he really became enraged. He had spies following me and even wrote a song about it. The job dancing had me in tears and the men were also quite abusive, but I had no other source of income. Although I had knocked at many doors in Hollywood, had a background and pretty good sized educational training in the arts, including acting, singing, music, and dancing, it just seemed that no one really wanted me for my work talents. They just either could not care less, did not like my talents, or had to humiliate me by using sex as a weapon. Just the same, I managed to stay alive on one sandwich a day, and keep my one room with no heat or air conditioning, no shower and rats in the kitchen I could not cook in. I played music though daily, which was my saving grace. I played and practiced, wrote and co-wrote. I did this at all hours of the day and any extra time I could find. I recorded my music also on a four track machine I finally could afford to purchase. I put together bands and played out in clubs. I never was paid and the promoters and club owners took all the money though and made us think they were doing us a favor by giving us a place to play, even though I had to go out inviting people, making calls to everyone I knew, and brought in most of the guests. The bar tab was kept, the entrance fees were kept, and all the shows and clubs were ran by men.
     Although I have not mentioned that I was a victim of rape since the age of ten, I have not left this out on purpose. Let's just say I grew up as a victim of men and was brutally tortured by the age of 16. During a later time of my life, the rock star made fortunes exploiting me, yet he would not share a dime from exploiting me. It seemed he expected me to read his mind constantly and wanted me to be a certain way for him. He disliked that I was confident at all, or felt sexy at times. He hated that I felt anything good at all. It seemed he wanted me to be this waif, waiting at home all soft suffering every day at every single minute until he called me. He wanted this, but I was out working with other musicians, including many men, enjoying music and my own creativity, doing shows, and trying to earn a scarce living at the same time. He hated me having any friends, let alone men and he let me know through his criminal acts. He was harassing me with his exploits though on public radio and through people who would come to me to tell me so and so, is writing about you, and says you are a bitch. In his mind it was just fine for him to party animal around, sleep with people, have fun, travel, and make a hoard of money, but when I was trying to do it, he was completely against it, was enraged with brutal jealousy, envy, and self-centered, and sadistic cruelty.I tried to think of a way to make peace with him though or to reason with him, so he could see the light and find happiness. He was such an unhappy, vain man but I could see his misery, corruption, and his constant addictions to drugs and alcohol. I had never known such anger though. What I mean he was an angry man and expressed his anger at me. He blamed anything in his life on me, which had nothing to do with me. I was his emotional punching bag. I got him a big award too, but he was ungrateful and this was not peace enough for him. I got him scripts to star in too but he was not grateful for this and did more crimes to me. I had already been making him insurmountable monies for his exploits using my likeness and image, but he was ungrateful for this too. With every new car he purchased, his fancy mansion, vacation spots and homes, his world-wide exotic and erotic vacations, his whores, and the women he could purchase, he was still arrogant, miserable, unhappy, and ungrateful. The man had everything too. He had his parents and his family but that did not make him happy. He had women at his feet, he could make do whatever he wanted and this did not make him happy. He had people who cared about him, prayed for him, and honestly loved him but he still complained and hated everything, me, and thought the world was filled with slaves he could use and abuse at his whims. He never was satisfied and there weren't enough people he could hurt and abuse. He was raping children I found out too. He tried to stop me get on contracts with particular corporations, by slandering and defaming me. He would call them, make up some sort of unfactual story he would fabricate in his own mind, tell them, and they would yell at me, accusing me of stuff I had never thought of or heard of in my life. He blocked my contracts with Capitol Records, William Morris, Warner Brothers, and many others. Since he was famous and rich and had some sort of strange power in the industry, everyone involved went by his rules, whether he had any evidence or not. He never showed anyone any evidence what so ever for his fabrications and claims though. There were not any. The fact that I was the sweetest girl anywhere, never was angry, always tolerant and kind, always sweet just really got his goat. The industry members also could never answer to a sweet person or stay committed to a purpose. It seemed as if they were trying to drive me into becoming the maniacs they were; the ruthless cruel tyrant, stepping on people at every turn, using people as if they were nothing, and treating people without regard.
     Here I was: So innocent, with a childish sort of trustful joy in life who loved music, wrote everything from classical compositions to rock n roll and here he was: An established rock star born of a wealthy family who was privileged being a man in the first place and handed a contract very early in his life to romp, rape, and gain much wealth. The sky was the limit as to what he was allowed to get away with as well, being a rock star with a lot of money. No one paid any heed when he raped the 14 yr old little girl at the Troubadour Club in the bathroom, nor his constant purchases of cocaine, heroine, and pot. No one cared when he roamed around drunk on whiskey or became a predator looking for prey at nightclubs. Just no one noticed that something was wrong. No one paid heed when he helped start up and run an underage, illegal, after hours night club that opened at 2am and served liquor; whereas, he could lure in as many 14, 15, & 16 year olds as he wanted and had access in the backroom of the club to pick and choose those he wanted to rape or use for his nightly exploits. No one cared in law enforcement, although they did shut the place down once that I know of, but this rock star was not apprehended or held accountable. They set it up again though and would move it around, charge 3 dollars to get in, while serving illegal booze. No one cared and I think a lot of men really admired his psychotic exploits on women, his ruthless abuses, and yes even his rapes. He made it look like he was a ladies man as well, and most of his fans really wished to be like him.
    By now I had a learned condition: Victim with no rights. No matter which way I turned I could not find any justice, any success, any earning power, and no real shoulder to cry on. The music industry was filled with the same cold ruthlessness the rock star represented and rock radio was not about to play female artists. As far as the men were concerned, women were looked down upon to be used as sex concubines at their whims or to be used as their starring video mistresses or for their song content. Women were to be used as groupies or for sexploits only and were not to have attitude, opinions, or needs other than the need to be a sex slave.The small group of women who did make it, although quite scarce was out of luck, for most of the artists and bands signed on labels were male. Once in awhile there was token women and only they know how or why they were chosen. Being a hooker was not my profession either and I was not about to sell sexual favors or acts in exchange for a record deal. This went on year after year, until they finally just ignored me. I recorded seven albums and was ignored mostly because most of the label executives realized I wasn't going to play whore or mistress to any one of them. I was not in love with any and not a one was fit to date me, let alone sleep with me. Although I was called in more times years later, the same sort of scenarios took place. I would become excited because an A&R executive heard my songs and would call me for a meeting. I would go into the meeting hoping for the best only to come out in tears. Typically, they would first make statements about my breasts. On one occasion, I brought a male guard with me finally after having had suffered so much sexual abuse. When the A&R man saw him he became so enraged and angry, that he started yelling like a madman. This was at Sony Studios in Santa Monica. I finally just walked out without a record deal in the same condition a decade and more earlier. No one wanted me for my musical abilities, voice, songwriting talent or years and years of musical education--and only wanted me for humiliation tactics and sex. Either this, or I was ignored. I also had to worry about this rock star calling them while making up some psychotic story fabricated in his mind for uncouthful and ruthless intentions. It just plain made him jealous to watch me enjoy my independence, my own earning power, my own success, and to express my joy or happiness. It made him furious as well when I was with a few other boyfriends and a new fiancé as well. He did not want to stop writing songs about me either.
     Needless to say, I wasn't alone. He had also abused others who he also exploited then trashed in his typical mode and fashion. I always felt pretty powerless over him.
     He beat me on various occasions too. At one point, I was involved with a stage production, which was a civil rights play written by a black woman, named Gigi Green. I helped her and became the associate producer on this production and did the casting, PR, and also played a roll in it. There was no pay and I was helping her get a strong message out, concerning black civil rights in white America. I was pretty much the only white person on the executive line. We worked day in and out too. It was hard work. In the middle of the production the rock star stalked me at a public restaurant called the Rainbow Bar & Grille which I went to on a date with this new lawyer friend of mine I had just started to date. When the lawyer went upstairs to go the bathroom this rock star followed me while I was talking to some other stars and while inviting them to my play production party. He started a scene there, attacked me, and had two of his Italian thug mafia-like guards beat me up outside the club. I was so afraid and only had 60$ in my bank account and I was afraid to go to find my new friend too. I was alone on the street at night, shaking and crying, hurt and confused, feeling powerless and grief stricken. I realized the little money I had would have to go for a taxi to get back to the producer's place. By the time I got back I was so shaken up that I had to go to the hospital. The taxi I hired was also a maniac misogynist. He pulled over in a very dark location and tried to force me to have sex with him. I had to give him every dollar I had to make him stop. He appeared as if he was from India as well. The next day, the rock star filed false charges against me though making up some more fabrications claiming that I attacked him. Here I was alone at that point just dating my new lawyer friend, with no weapons, half his strength, and no bad motive at all but to invite a few stars to our civil rights production and here he was with thug guards over six feet tall, weapons, and years and years of martial arts experience, including a triple black belt, claiming I had beat him up. The only way I beat him up in reality, was the fact I was involved with a production doing something positive with my life and was not co-signing his continuous exploits he had already inflicted upon me. Here he was in typical bully mode, filing fraudulent claims, and abusing the system out of envy and jealousy--not for any real cause. The rock star was a psychopathic control freak and misogynist and will always be that way I feel.
     This stuff does matter and I do not have to rush these horrible realities out of my life as if they did not exist. This rock star filed false allegations against me to police and in a court of law making up lies just to ruin the production and because fame had given him ruthless access to a system that worships monetary value over any real justice. I know intuitively it infuriated him as well that I was working with black people, because prior he was infuriated that I was co-writing my album with a black man. He was disgustingly jealous and furious especially because of his innate racism and privileged white male position in society. I cannot relay how scary and difficult it was to be falsely accused in a court of law after I had been beaten up, man-handled, been terrorized, and did not even have money to hire an attorney of my choice who did not worship fame and fortune, that is the defender chosen for me stood by without even obtaining real witness testimony in which there was plenty of as he pretty much had already chosen the famous and wealthy rock star over me. He patronized the rock star in other words, just because of his wealth and fame--not because he was just and correct. I was abused severely in this respect as well. Just the same, after much abuse and terror, the judge finally told the audience that "this girl would not hurt a fly" but that was only after the rock star had hired his mafia thugs to go to court to lie for him, after I had suffered with jaundice in jail, one of the most horrible places on the planet, sitting in darkness, crying myself to sleep. The two Italian thugs sat in one of the rows and were more than willing to commit crimes for the rock star in exchange for some payment. They had already attacked and assaulted me under the rock star's command. The judge sat looking at the two large thugs who could not look him in the eye either and they gave off the vibe of some really bad men too! I suffered for no reason other than male supremacist thinking in a male-led society, with man-made laws, made for men--not women.
      Needless to say, I did finish the civil rights production and the production was awarded 22 major awards from the Southern California Motion Picture Council and I was handed two of those awards. We did not earn any money at all but we made a small mark and statement. The rock star continued to rage on though.
      But this abuse went on year after year. He would hire his friends to call me at home scaring me terribly with some of the most hideous abuse and statements. The police would do nothing to really help me either. Although some of the calls were recorded and played back for detectives, they just simply called the rock star's hired thug to tell him to "stop" and that was all. There is more, but I just don't have the energy right now to discuss it.
     This rock star kept me under duress and threat for over two decades threatening to arrest me, make more false allegations and all the while collecting profits off of material; whereas, he exploited my likeness and image for his gain and his wealth--not mine. He continued to slander and defame me to other industry professionals without any real evidence. He swayed people too. He made up falsehoods and psychotic untruthful fabrications, created to create a hate society against me. Here he made too many millions using me like an object and while living in great luxury and security and he walked like a giant towering above me with his dirty thugs ruining and ruling over people's lives. He was a big star, remember! Or was he a fascist?
     But, this is not about him as he expects anything to be in society about. It's about me and how I deal with this daily and what are my paths in life due to years of rape, beatings, hardship, ugliness, human rights violations, ignorance, envy, hatred, and blind injustice? How do I react to his ongoing barrage of psychological threats and torments. How do I deal with the physical pains?
     I have been mostly quiet and have lived in unbearable poverty for decades. I filed two restraining orders that stuck for a bit there and demanded that the rock star cease exploiting me, song-wise. The orders did not stick long because the imbecile judges bowed and bent, yet again to his fame and lawyers who ruthlessly denied me any access to civil rights and human rights or any sense of protection from him. I had to show up alone for my cases and he had one of his mindless trashy lawyers show up for him making up falsities and illogical mistruths. He even resorted to accusing me of writing fan mail that was sent from various parts of the world from people I did not know.     Although I had a little help from government, at first with General Relief that gave me about $300.00 dollars a month and some food stamps I ended up in another man's home who I was to marry, but did not know he was also another violent abuser. Needless to say, I was beat up again and soon found myself in desperation scrambling to find somewhere I could call shelter. I also had disability help at some point, which helped me barely survive, although quite difficult, because although I was still looking for contracts, trying to create start ups, sending out letters and resumes, and trying to create new things that would sell, I still had to endure a harsh reality, the same sort of psychological abuse by the rock star no matter where I moved, and innuendoes with misogynists at every turn. Employers seem to sense that you will not tolerate abuse any longer and a predator knows where to find his prey, so when trying to find various positions in life, those executives usually felt I would innately NOT TOLERATE anymore abuse. I won't. But, just the same many women are also abusive and support the misogynist attitudes. In fact, I was raped in a house and beat up so severely by a man while his mother sat in the next room listening to me scream for help. She did not bother to stop him, call the police, or help me either. I was bleeding, had my head cut open, my face damaged seriously, besides being brutally raped and the woman did nothing to help.
     Then there was the rock star's sister. Although I did not charge her with stalking charges she started to come by my studio and mysteriously started to work down the street from me. People would come by and ask me why his sister was near my studio. I went to discuss the situation with her one day and was pretty nice. His sister, who was pretty much living mostly off the money he made exploiting me and did not want someone taking it away from her, then went back to him and made up more false allegations. She was rude, cruel, and pretty sly and evil to say the least. Although, I was not about to take anything away, nor was I going to marry the guy to take anything what she felt was hers, such as the house, assets, and all the rest of the benefits living with a rock star, one could say she was pretty much his only "girlfriend" at home. Otherwise, he would use and harm women pretty outside their home. All the victims were raped at other places and locations, including hotels, and rented places or in the backroom at the Zero Club. As far as his sister was concerned, all women were threats to her status of rightful head woman of the property, the assets, the daily monies and fancy cars she acquired using those funds acquired using my likeness and image in his song content as his muse. I never thought of owning any of it either. All I was really after was my own career achievements, my own earnings, and my own accomplishment really. I tried to even make peace with her and him, giving them fancy designer costumes, even some jewelry I had bought years back, some antiques as a show of friendship and just to make the peace. Instead, she took it all, stashed the jewelry, and I realized from one magazine photo that he wore just a little of what I had made. They were so ungrateful for anything and acted as if they deserved anything and kept it. They did not even say thank you and then he continued to commit crimes upon me. I did raise the issue in court as well pertaining to my belongings and gifts, and he stood there and lied to the judge as if he never received anything at all. Why didn't he return it all, I wonder. The jewelry was more valuable to he and his sister than being two decent human beings. They could acquire wealth and assets in a Nazi-like fashion, in cruelty and through unjust means. They could keep things that were valuable and pretend they never took them at all or had them. What liars.
     Another time I was invited to a birthday party and when I got there I was kicked down to the ground and made to crawl while a black man kicked me over and over again. Then they put me in their bed and handcuffed me and told me they were going to keep me there for a very long time and sell me. I was brutally raped, tortured, and there were two women involved with the violence, besides the three men. The women were not as violent, but just as bad as the men. The incident left me with some real issues about life too. I was strangled almost to death, robbed of all my work pay, and they even stole all my clothes. I escaped bloodied and damaged too, and the police finally rounded them up to only find that the court allowed them to go free after only three days in jail. They had hospital records and more than enough evidence to convict the group of culprits but the DA that day told me he gets these rape cases all the time and just does not have the time for it. The rape and violence was so very brutal, it is unbearable to even try to describe the incident. They had a newborn child in the room with us who was my witness. The abuse to the child alone was enough for any normal decent court to take action with, but they did not. I spent years wondering how that child grew up and how that child was though and if somehow this early life experience had affected that child in a negative way. I know that child must have pretty much as well felt she was born into a male-led violent world filled with rape, evil, and violence and I hope that child somehow made onto safe ground. The court took the baby and put the baby in some place is all I know for now.
     When the rock star found out I was brutally raped, he became even more enraged and angry. He hated me even more so. This is the turning point when he finally decided to get another muse. Actually, this was the good side of the story, because now he was to stop exploiting me for his wealth and fame and that he did, for awhile at least, until he became tired and overabused that girl and drove her almost to suicide.
    I can't help thinking that if someone just put me to work in a secure fashion, hired and contracted with me, I would have never had to endure those beatings and rapes, for I would have not been there at the time and would have had guards to protect me. I would have never gone homeless, hungry, and would have not had to live in desperation having to work for abusive bosses and crazy criminals. I would not have had to sit by and watch while men were promoted in low paying jobs while the women were left to do all the dirty work and hard work getting paid next to nothing. I would not have had to cry so many tears and live with so much PTSD, stress, and depression. I could have been happily working, singing my songs, contributing the culture in society in a way that uphold my every divine right. I watched as other certain women gained those work privileges though and held onto my hope. It's as if all the industry listened to the rock star, even in silent mode. They gave him his way at the expense of great profits and fairness though. He kept working on ruining every ounce of happiness, jobs I got into, and also hindered the free and clear mind I started to gain. When I felt happy and safe, he would all of a sudden start to stalk me again, his friends would call me with abuse and even his ex girlfriend started to stalk me. It was terrorizing. She called me leaving hideous messages of hatred and cruelty thinking that I was with him, when I was not. I finally called police to deal with her and to stop her from so much hatred as well. She had already stalked me on a movie set I was working on, and followed me, pretending to be someone else. She pretended she was a manager and was interested in my albums. She gained my telephone number this way, and then I realized that she was not a manager but his x, looking for prey and for someone to vent on.
     And, I am just pretty much brushing the surface here concerning job abuse, male misogyny, female envy, threats, oppression or the like. One also wonders as to why I did not carry a gun, bite the rapist's dicks off, and just shoot perpetrators. In our society, if I would have carried a gun and shot one of the men that the rock star hired to beat me, or have shot my rapists; I do believe in our male-led society with it's manmade laws that I would have had a bad rap for it. I do believe my rights would have never been upheld and I would have been forced to be the perpetrator in a case; whereas, I was defending my right to survive, yet men just did not uphold those rights in general. I was constantly pushed to an offense or defense instead of being able to focus on accomplishment and achievements. Whenever I sought a pathway to earn a living, create a business, or do something that I felt good about, the rock star would start again with his typical abuses, calls, stalkings, and psychological abuses. It has been bad enough that he will not let go of me in a way that I would feel a little freer, by taking his song rants off of public media about me. I wish he had never exploited me and since they still make him money, he still feels it is in his right to use me as an object for his own profit. As far as his thinking mode is concerned I still do not have any rights--only he does. I also did not own a gun at those times nor did I have a license to carry one. I don't particularly enjoy guns or the sounds of them. I do not like the abuse forced on people by the misuse of them either. I do like the idea of self-defense though. I do not like having to train at gun ranges or the sounds created by guns.
     I do like the idea of never having had to be raped, bullied around, forced on my knees by a psychopath, losing a child, being bullied by the rich and famous, and having to play the bad person, when I was innocent. All of this, because I am a woman, and because I wanted to work and know happiness. I did not have the right to happiness as far as the men were concerned. I did not have the right to my own sexual enjoyment as far as the men were concerned. You see, they wanted those women they were interested in to have a Mary complex, to be the holy virgin Mary, never enjoying themselves, thinking of themselves, or having anything substantial to call their own. Most men made their lives based on this Mary complex in America and if we are not the Virgin Mary types we are "whores," "bitches," "cunts," "prostitutes," "hoes," "damned nymphomaniacs," and more. Words such as artists, recording artists, songwriters, female musicians, musician, singer, vocalist were never words he could use instead to describe who I was or am. To the men, being a singer or musician meant that I was a "whore" which was used against me with the rock star's buddies high and low. "She's whore" were their words--not "she's an artist, a creator, a fine musician, a creator of material and artistic achievements." It was always told to me that I was this: "Whore" "bitch" "cunt" "nymphomaniac" and then when that did not work to hurt me to the point he so fiercely wanted to he started telling people I was "criminally insane," "had murdered someone," "killed someone," "was trying to kill him" and he tried to make me out into some sort of criminal. I never thought those thoughts and had no intention of ever hurting anyone and felt as a victim, not even thinking of harming him, knowing he had the power and control over me and pretty much the rest of the imbeciles in the industry, or those who obeyed his misogynistic quests. He kept telling people this though and insisting on it. Please believe me, I never thought the word "kill" in my entire life and even at that point for many years, I never thought the thought of ever harming him, and never did so. I never scathed, harmed, drew blood, or thought the thought. My whole intention and aims was completely innocent: Write songs, be happy, be creative, use color, costumes, dance, use ballet and jazz, create song materials, play piano, collaborate, and earn money doing it. He wanted me to be a criminal though, more so than being who I really was or am. He wanted me to be so bad so he did not have to face up to the fact that I was and am a really talented and fine artist, musician, singer, dancer, choreographer, actress, and am gorgeous besides and have modeled fashion. He could not stand me succeeding her but wanted me to be the bad insane maniac he was in a sense without the fame and benefits of economic satisfaction. I do not comprehend why it would please him or why it could have pleased him that I would be a criminally insane anything? I could never compel me into this either although I suffered so tremendously under duress, false allegations, lies, and terrible mayhem. Each day I lived with his barrage of falsities and lies, and each day I had to put up with the threat. He hired people to threaten me. He hired lawyers to ruthlessly attack me as well. They destroyed any work livelihood I had going. For instance, since I was able to dance and could eek a small living out of it, he had his lawyer draw up this huge complaint saying that I was indecent. The issue is, is that I was driven to dance in a strip club for my bread and butter because no one else wanted me. I danced in lingeret too and there is no law that states I cannot. This was my only livelihood available to me as well. Everything I tried to do to earn a living he sought to destroy and ruin. He did not want me having my money, which would give me power to stay alive and feed myself. This drove him crazy. Not only that, but at the same time he was disgustingly envious and jealous that other man viewed me with regard and enjoyed me. He was allowed to frequent strip clubs all over the world, go to the Playboy mansion, screw whoever would or wouldn't have him, rape children, rule over hoards of sex slaves, hire whores, take innocents and force ugly sex scenarios on them against their will, but in his mind I was not allowed to earn a living dancing, even in lingeret or regular ballet shoes and tutu. So his lawyer worked on me. This old fart, an ugly old soul, conjoined and paid to destroy any chance of a livelihood for me, even though he was not willing to even give me a dime to live on. He wanted me dead, in other words. He wanted me to starve to death, live in terrible desperation, in poverty, and sleep on cold cement. Oh, so it hurt his fucking gigantic ego or was it the feeling of controlling me that he was after. You see, he did not mind the scores of women he lauded and tipped who danced in many clubs all over the city. I know because they told me and they also told me he came to certain clubs looking for me and asking about me. He had been frequenting strip clubs since he was a teenager pretty much and had been a huge fan of striptease dancers. Most of the dancers knew him well and some had some terrible experiences with sadism under his control, in which he subjected them to. I moved around and was never there when he arrived either, which drove him crazy. Finally, he had his lawyers draw up an entire book about me using innuendos to try to destroy any confidence I had left or embarrass me. I am infuriated at his sense of injustice and lack of ethics as well and these words mean nothing, compared to my real fury and wrath. There is no law in the world that can tell me in America that I am not allowed to dance or perform and that includes any erotic dance. There is no law against consenting adults involved with pornography either and I have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed of. I did what I had to survive at the time without breaking the law and without having to become a whore either. My shows were fun, filled with costumes, ballet, tap shows, and I mostly wore costumes, much in the same way pop stars do today. I just did not wear gowns is all but I wore a 19th century gown and dress with five or more layers of undergarments. My shows were fun to most people and innocent and it was none of his business what I did with my own body and life. I am not his to control anymore, and he is to keep his big snout and disgusting despicable ethics and criminal soul out of my business and life. What he really wanted was for me to be so desperate financially and so very desperate that I would beg to give him head and feel it was a privilege to suck him off in exchange for a cheap bracelet or something. He wanted that little cutesy girlfriend boyfriend thing going; whereas, he could continuously exploit me for hundreds of millions of dollars put into his asset accounts and tax shelters and properties, while I was supposed to feel ever so grateful to give him head behind the stage or backstage, and maybe if I was lucky to get a 99 dollar bracelet for being his girl. Oh lucky me! Oh the privilege of being a muse! This he did to his other girlfriend though. He fed her up with dope, brought her along on tour and got sucked off backstage at his whims and she really felt so lucky. Never mind, that he made a hundred million on tour exploiting her in his song content and she was just a muse.
      It disgusts me to think of sex with a pedophile though, knowing that he harmed and raped children, which he still thinks is just fine. He never thinks of the suffering the little girl and women or how they felt though. Now the other part of the fight was this: While he was trying to control my life and trying to enforce his illogical code and lack of policies, when I went into court to face off with his lawyer I had just found out about another child victim he had raped and which was recorded on a phone conversation. I had never known her prior, but knowing so many people, you get to meet people, and real victims started to talk and share. Victims needed to talk about it, hid in shame and fear, being threatened by the maniacs mafia thugs and his power. The phone conversation with the victim was recorded as well and the lawyer threatened me, telling me that if I brought that into court, that it was illegal and I would be arrested. The lawyer lied to me though because if someone has a crime to admit via telephone, anyone has a right to record the facts of those crimes. Also if you have the consent of the victim of a crime, you can also record it, so his lawyer was also trained by the trash school of criminals they turn into lawyers again, taught by mad men, from mad societies, in a mad world, filled with mad people. I have every right to record a crime and admission of a felony anytime and any day of year! Now this is the real law! You do not have to ask the permission to record someone who has a crime to admit or has suffered a crime or is admitting it either. If someone is on my phone telling me they were raped and by whom and or was just poisoned and fed up with illegal drugs by any rock star I would legally have a right to record it and hand it over to authorities if I could catch it, that is. But, when the rock star realized that I had some factual evidence of his crimes he started to back off; whereas, prior he was ruthless and romped around like a fascist tyrant. Now he was scared and running scared. He backed off. I pushed harder and sorry to admit I met lots of victims that he had perpetrated various sex crimes to and violence. I met lots of people. The law of justice put me in touch with other victims, rape victims, women who were also beaten by the rock star. I did not know why they did not place charges against him, but then I recalled the mafia thugs he hired to beat me up and the countless calls he made himself and had others make to me.
     Women are expected to jump for free just because men command it. Women are expected to sacrifice their own happiness, financial security, jobs, well-being so men can prosper. When you turn on public radio today, nine times out of ten you will be compelled to listen to male led rock bands, pop artists, and almost every single executive at almost every company and corporation is a man. How many women were pushed down to never be heard from again? How many real life stories can we bring to the surface from women who were raped, made to suffer in silence, harassed at jobs, deprived their pay, beat up, kicked on the ground, had their noses broke by some mad man, had their jobs taken away by some misogynist tyrant, was kept out of an industry because they would not become a whore for some egocentric cruel executive, or who had her children murdered because she just wanted a divorce and a better life? How many good women were forced into disability, depression, grief, or into a mode of desperation, fear, and terror because of the male-led conscious in America and even the world?  I am not going to leave out the abusive and ruthless women, such as Madonna though, who considers other female artists a threat and who would also ruthlessly push a woman artist down, if she could and ruthlessly exploit as she did to me. She could not care less if someone goes without, is impoverished, does not have the right nutrition, nor has anything, because if they even look like they may be very talented she may use tactics to push that person out of the business as well. Although, she helped one artist, Alanis, another Catholic woman, Madonna was envious of how many albums she sold. It was not as if, the artist has her full support. With women, other women are threats; whereas, with men, other men are united typically, especially in the music industry so they can all put down, berate, abuse, and make a mockery and hell for women. It's a united purpose usually on the male front and it may be an exception in politics. Men usually are in competition with other men--not women, and no woman is ever a real threat to those men that run for various offices, especially the presidency. This is a typical historical fact. Usually, women who ran for any office were mocked by the men just for being women. The situation changed, little by little though and made man start to think and become slightly aware. Economy, health care, war and defense, and decision making powers were arrogantly abused and handed to men throughout America's history. But, that is all about to change on a much larger scale and I hope for the good of everyone concerned. Hillary will probably run and win on the next round. I did call her office yelling really loud a number of years back though and with PTSD and fury asking her to run for President and telling her that in the name of god she has to run. But, politics is only politics, and only part of what makes this country work or not work, and even if Hillary Clinton does win the next election, which would be a stupendous accomplishment not only for her, but for many women who were suppressed and oppressed, she will be answering to a predominant male-led corporate industry in every area, a military ran by men who get away with raping women, generals who are typically all men who ruthlessly stand behind those very rapists and sweep those rapes right under their dirty feet, and she will be surrounded by a male-led congress, view the outcomes of a male-led Supreme court who view, and have to listen to those views created by an overall, male limited perspective, and she will be barraged by arrogant male bullies in the Republican party, pushed around by foreign male terrorists and fascists, and most of the men will look to her a weak female leader somewhat (just because she is female and not male and not because they have any logic or reasonable evidence) and as no real threat. Most likely, men will feel awkward and not want to respect the woman, knowing that she is now the head and chief of America. They will disregard her as well in conversations and while at tables will try to look away from her to only discuss politics and decision making with any other men available. The men may even attempt to still treat her a second-class citizen, because of her gender. Male imbeciles who reside in society will make hideous mocking and violent jokes about Hillary, arrogant misogynists will blindly make mean remarks just because she is a woman. They do this with any president though, but this will be different. The other issues are these: Foreigners who typically only do business with men, such as the Royal family from Arabia may avoid her. By their rules they do not do business with women and women are second-class citizens without rights (in their views) but if you want to do business with America you will have to do business here by doing business with a woman, that is Hillary Clinton! These people do not inherently respect women overall. They go by old rules, old laws, which were mostly invented long ago. The same goes for sports. It's a never ending phenomenon of misogyny, cruelties, and injustice towards women everywhere it seems.
     Women do not help women in the music industry either typically. Women do not help other women in the film industry either and typically its men winning Oscars for direction, producing, writing, and scoring. There has only been one woman in all Oscar's history that has ever won an Oscar for directing and that was for the Hurt Locker. What happened to all those other women all those years who worked in film directed, or strove to educate themselves in film at Universities. What is so great about the Oscars when they are misogynist and recently proven to be homophobic, and completely backwards in their ethics? A homosexual was recently fired from the Oscars because of their sexual preferences, and Eddie Murphy in turn, walked off his job at the Oscars as Master of Ceremonies, in protest of the underhanded firing of someone who did not deserve that treatment.
    Then there is another issue: The women who have had to sell sex to earn a living, having had no other knowledge, education, or skills. Those women, who were forced out of desperation to become sex slaves know who they are. Some were beat so badly by pimps and kidnapped, they had no choice at all. Some had to protect their own families from harm, so they continue to do what pimps demand. Some are hooked on the drugs, fed to them by pimps and have a physical dependence on drugs and could die without them or unless they withdraw in a safer hospital setting with the full support of caring groups and people. Also, on the street level it is the women who are subject to arrest--not men. Why is it that we hear about women prostitutes being hauled around in paddy wagons but the men who paid them for the sex get to drive around in search of more prostitutes? The men have the full support of community law makers and get by and slip through almost every time it seems, while women are vindicated, condemned, and made to pay fees to some illogical court system, also led by men for men, with token women placed throughout and only because they support those men's laws that side with men--not women most often. As long as those women show every tough show of ruthless lack of compassion they get to stay too!  They might as well also get a sex change operation to match their uneducated lack of initiative at times (pun intended).
     I was never content to sit as a ghost or a shadow or as a spec of dust while someone else exploits, uses, and hurts me, which is what I've been forced to do. Even when there is some sort of smaller triumph for women, such as in the case o some female Senators being voted in, a few women chosen for the Supreme Court, or more women signing up for a college education, it is as if it is some special favor men have handed to us, WHEN IT WAS OUR DIVINE RIGHT TO BEGIN WITH BECAUSE IT JUST IS--NOT BECAUSE A MAN SAID SO!
     Stimulus funding and loans are usually made to men and I know most stimulus funding was handed to men. Defense contracting agencies are owned by men. Fossil oil pits are owned by men as well with most men raking in the profits.
     Ask me, do I want to try working again for a male led company being abused and picked on by misogynists again? No sirree. I have no energy or tolerance what so ever and not one second of self love to hand out to abusers, imbeciles, idiots, and criminals. I can't do it again and won't. Do I have the desire to sell my body for any sort of contract to work in any legal industry or field? Nope, and I won't be your whore either. I'm not stooping down at any one's desk to beg for any contract and have to stay tied to his leash as his lapping dog and pet to only work because he says so and because he felt I did a good job licking his scrotum and asshole. That is not me.
     Is it a problem that I never slept my way to the top to anyone? I'm sure this self-respect will bother thousands of music employees who feel I was born to serve their interests, even at the cost of billions in profits I could have made already with them if they had had some sort of integrity and respect. I am not saying that every woman artist has had to be hooker or whore for a record contract and I do have the hunch that some had to play girlfriend or something, but then when it was over, their "boss" tried to trash them as sex slaves have been since the beginning of what we call America today, and even prior. Some just did get so-called "lucky" and to be honest, pertaining to male artists, you don't have to be talented or "good" to get a record deal or even have a good voice or play really well. You don't have to have a degree from a college for music or know your lead sheets at all. You just have to be a man, nine times out of ten is all, which means you have to have a penis and balls, not necessarily in that order and of course any character qualities that makes you a deserving artist, or any real talent that makes you an aesthetic cultural phenomenon. Just be ruthless, hateful, angry, and untalented seems to be the requirements for admission into the music industry is a current trend. Typically if you are abusive towards women, you're in. If you mistreat, take advantage, take women's money, pretend to love them and more you're in! Also, if you take a lot of drugs, you are typically in. Hate women, do lyrics that directly oppress women that women can buy so they can humiliate themselves and hate themselves and deny their own happiness, well-being, and joys and the unified misogynist women-hating, slave-master, imbeciles of the world may join you.
     I am not saying that every artist is untalented though, but I see that many are. I have listened to artists that have never taken a voice lesson in their lives, cannot sing at all and are busy screwing up women's heads in their songs. This is tolerated to a huge extent. Nightclubs allover the country are playing "pussy bitch" music and "how I dumped the girl who loves me" songs. They also play the "N" word songs because it is supposed to be hip and cool to think of yourself as such.  Many girls and women just do not notice and the women who frequent those clubs put up with those DJs who play it and dance to it just the same. These women are not bred with critical thinking skills and most do not even know they have any rights in a society led by men. Those abusive songs are typically acceptable by girls and women because they know no other options in life.
     Then there is NARAS (National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences) which is the decision maker unit for the entire American music industry and holds the Grammys each year. The president voted in quite a number of years ago is a dunce named Neil Portnow. I met Neil Portnow at Geffen Offices on Sunset Blvd with 12 music videos in my arms, filled with talent, and a full album recorded at top studios. He was interested all right, but not in my work and productions. He was interested in getting me into his bed to humiliate me and use me, to exploit me as a whore and make me into a whore--never mind the years of hard work and monies I had sacrificed to make a good product that could jump start my career. He humiliated me in perfect misogynist style and although I had never even thought the thought of any sort of sexual innuendo with the man and was seeing someone else at the time, he just had to fully develop his right to humiliate and oppress another good woman for his lack of humility and intelligence. So, what do the men do? They vote him in as the head of it all: The President of NARAS. This guy with his lack of ethics and real education concerning women's issues gets to oversee the entire music industry in America and uphold his criminal illogical and senseless mode of thinking. Portnow earned the men's degree in suppressing women with a minor in economic obliteration upon women when he completed his final by his criminal abuse of my higher purpose in life.
     In the same time that Portnow wanted to spend taking me home to screw me, get off, and gain sexual favors from me, one would think he could have developed a marketing plan instead and a strategy of hit making, that would have propelled me to the top of the music charts and would have established me as an artist, so I could in turn, pay my bills, live in some sense of security, buy a pair of glasses, go to the dentist, help other people make it, open my own company, invest in the future of America, and help all those charities that I've tried to help. When Portnow undermined my rights as an artist, he undermined many others. He violated my rights, which I did not deserve. He violated those ethics that make men, real men with quality characteristics that make societies bearable to live in. Together with his other united group of merry music makers, he pushed out and scrapped someone who did not deserve to be scrapped away like a piece of dust.
     Does it matter! YES it matters! Since they would not let me yell it like rock stars get to do all over the world, I get to blog it, write about it today and this only after many years of oppression, poverty, sickness, suffering, and living in a terrible sense of injustice. Do I feel glad that I am a victim of the male whims of misogynist and very cruel men? No, and NEVER AGAIN! I prefer and will demand that Neil Portnow puts his hat on leaves. I will reiterate this: As a musician and citizen of the US with every right any male star or artist has in the industry I am hereby firing Neil Portnow from his big cheese honcho position. I do not want a man in that high chair with those immoral sex slave mentality tactics running the music industry. Yes, I can fire him too and ask the industry and public to join me. I do not want fascists in my life again, whether they hide behind corporate titles or positions high or low, especially when they are to set a standard and ethic for many others in society. This world is also my world and I have had enough of being pushed out of it. Time for a regime change in the music industry.
     By the way, the rock star I am referring to is named David Roth. But who cares about him. Probably those who still support the barbaric rape on women and children, pedophilia, oppression and violence towards women, drugs, alcoholism, and misogyny will support him. My presence or that of those who seek to change the spectrum of disethics pervading America at almost every walk of life, is not going to change the huge blanket of ignorance that people are born into. It does not happen over night. One would have to understand and read the struggles women have endured throughout history to understand that it has taken hundreds of years in America alone, for women to even have a law created telling men that husbands cannot rape their wives and dates cannot rape their dates. Prior to the late 1970s men had the full support from lawmakers to rape or beat their wives and you could take a girl out on a date and rape her and she had no legal recourse. But even though this newer law is only written on a piece of paper now, it does not mean a whole lot to many agencies, police, or society in general.
     Just this past year, in 2013, it was reported by various lawmakers that approximately 19k female soldiers were victims of rape by their counterpart male co-workers, while it was all mostly brushed under the rug by men generals, a male-led congress, and women were forced to bend for the rods under duress and violence, while men still do not have control over their own bodies or conscience. Many women stand in rage and silent fury, and watch while the male population arrogantly controls situations through violence, mayhem, bullying, weaponry, and size. The mentality is this: If you are bigger in physical size you are the boss. This is a completely ignorant notion though and an uneducated presumption.
     Men have bullied women with their strength, with their money, by stamping their names on the currency, through violent psychological warfare and tactics, with weapons, by denying education and achievement, and through many other avenues. Those women who sit idly by supporting the ongoing innuendos of oppression are no less guilty. Those who have partaken in the rape of women in all its various ugly ways, are no less accountable. The misuse of strength and the abuse of power is something we all can discuss and work on. Sometimes, discussion is not enough either. Women have a right to protect and defend themselves. They have every right to use a weapon or to take serious action against a perpetrator and not be vindicated for protecting their own bodies, minds, and lives.
     No one should have to bend down between a bosses legs to hold onto their jobs or to get one. No one should have to play mistress to some corporate mogul's whims, just so she can express her talents for economic gains. No one should have to resort to being a street hooker and those who need to be held accountable are the men.
     These insights may be small on a small blog and may be ignored because most of today's men are quite ignorant and would rather play illiterate to progress and change for the better, but they will be heard at some time in the future somehow and in someway.
     On an international basis, let's face it, the occurrence of wars are typically caused by men; whether for defense contract gains or because a religious supremacist group perpetrates violence and war crimes as al Qaeda did when it struck locations all over the globe. These acts were perpetrated and planned by men--not women. The few token women who fed them or also joined up are also an issue, but overall, those world-wide problems that exist today are male generated. I would even go as far to say that much of the religious warfare generated today is also because of men, who arrogantly wrote religious writings and never allowed a woman to write anything anywhere, which can be considered organized.
      But, as long as the women sit idly by and raise their sons up to believe they are greater than women and have a right to abuse, berate, belittle, exploit and harm women, we will have this issue anywhere. As long as women stay with abusive men, while they are abused, raped, exploited and treated much like sex slaves, the issues will continue. As long as women sit idly by while other women are being raped, robbed, cheated, destroyed, stoned, having their privates removed, having their lands robbed for the men's profits, allowing governments to overtax to benefit male led corporations and raise the stakes for men, by men, and because of men this issue and serious world problem will continue. As long as women who have a weapon available allow rape to take place because they are afraid to defend their own rights, there will be rapes. As long as women keep voting in men who co-sign that same old styled abuse perpetrated by men, we will continuously have this issue. As long as women sit quietly about at their jobs, at home, or elsewhere while they know their boss is abusing one of the workers, raping the next door neighbor's child, and shooting drugs into a 15 year old's arm, we are going to continue to have these serious hard issues; as long, as women stay with husbands who oppress their careers, keep them at home under threat and duress, rape them when they come home drunk, or beat them when their wives do not obey, we are going to continuously have these issues; as long as we keep upholding police officers who harass women on the road or elsewhere or rape women, we are going to continuously live under the thumb of a fascist-like male run society of hypocrites; as long as women are cruel to other women and treat them as threats instead of co-workers in a fellowship of human souls that have been unjustifiably tortured, maimed, raped, deprived of their own honor and purpose, and treated like barefoot pregnant animals with no economic rights or security, then we will continuously have those issues. As long as women believe that only one woman making it in any industry or at the head of the helm is a threat to our very own being, we will continue to have those issues. As long we bring up men and teach them that the only girl he should choose is someone who sits at the stove all day and has no opinions, we will continue to have those issues. As long as we keep teaching that the only gods available are men, we will continuously have issues. As long as we make these male gods all powerful, then we will continuously have those issues. As long as we teach our boys to fight and buy them toy guns to play with and the girls get dolls, we will continuously have issues. As long as we keep allowing, supporting and paying into male-led races, corporate welfare, and co-sign male abuse at any level, we will continuously have those issues. As long as we depend on men, even though some of us have great talents and attributes we can develop and contribute to society for economic self gain, yet hold back just because he said so, or he says there is no room for those talents and contributions, we fold down under a beast's lair and his evil devices. As long as any one of us play hooker and feel we have to be part of his harem without full satisfaction, opinion, and vote, we bow to a beast, called man.
    As long as we allow only men to be hired for any area, in any occupation and the men are privy to all those jobs, incentives, and we hand most police jobs to men we will have those issues. As long as we keep buying misogynist rock star garbage trash, even though we know he has been harming women, we are supporting our own fascist-led society.
   So, I give you something to think about and making informed choices is a better choice than blindly being led by a man's opinion just because others say so.  If staying alive is your only goal right now or survival, than so be it, but there is something called living. I choose not to live under anymore duress created by the oppressive tactics of misogynists who would seek to lock me up for just having an opinion or commit me because I want my own joy, freedom, success, and economic security. This may surprise some, knowing that a few women have made out there in a mad men's world, but not all have made it out alive to express their opinions or to be able to discuss the unfortunate experience of having rapists in their lives, being tortured by mad men & women, or being raised as a minority in white mad men's society that most often turns minorities on each other and against each other so they can sit back and avoid any accountability for what is happening. I DID NOT state that all white men do this though, and am generalizing. People in power have to become aware and conscious of a situation to know it exists though and to do something about it. Too many people sit in powerful positions in government unconcerned with these issues involved with America's 200 year war on women, because they do not have to and do not mind if someone else feels like a slave or goes without. The small minority of higher thinking men who could not or would not stoop to those immoral levels only exist in a minority of the populaces.
     As far as I am concerned, I want to do something more with my life than just survive, hide out of fear, have to go out there and be raped, exploited, and ignored. I want to do something much more than count my change or fear for tomorrow, worry about bills, or have to put up with psychotic rapists or maniacs. I have something much better to do with my time than to have to listen to other women's envy and jealousy, have to endure the envy and hatred of envious men, or have to listen to their mindless tirades of spoken, written, or musical cesspool garbage. I don't have to take your male made drugs, drink your male made alcohol, and don't have to get drunk for you and play tricks for you in the bedroom. I don't belong in the kitchen if I don't choose it. I don't belong in his bedroom for my keep. I don't belong barefoot and pregnant with never barely a year's vacation from baby making while he goes out hiring prostitutes and feeling like a well-balanced man as so many do today.
     I have something much better to do with my life than support his career--I have mine to support. I have something much better to do than to patronize his shows and applaud him---I applaud myself, even if its just me. I applaud me and rejoice in my own existence. I was not made to be your whore, your hooker, your sex slave, your exploited muse, nor your servant, maid, or cook. That is not my role in society or in any one's mind. That is not my choice in my life either. I don't belong in the kitchen! Did you hear me Gene Simmons? Yes, he once said this publicly about women in general. He said that "All women belong in the kitchen." Well I refute this claim, and say that women only belong in the kitchen if Gene Simmons is in the oven. (pun intended)
     I am not guilty if I protect myself from rape!  Roth had literally spent years claiming that I never had a right to protect myself from violence or rape trying to deprive me of my life and liberty. I once was able to chase a rapist away who pushed into my front door and had me next to the bed. Roth got a hold of the info and turned it into something he made up in his psychotic sick head and overall he was telling the world, that a woman has to endure rape and violence and "us men have a right to fuck and screw whoever we want, when we want, and without having to be nice people." FUCK HIM, SON OF IMBECILE!
     Having a prick between your legs does not make you a man in the way I feel a man should be. It's what is in your heart and soul or mind that makes you a man. It does not start with your cranker. If you choose to behave like a Neanderthal man wearing clothing than you have no place in our society anymore. As long as you pull women by the hair, drag then to your cave, and rape them, you belong in jail. Whether you do it in Neanderthal mode or modern mode, think twice. I have other talents and goals in my life and in no way have a goal of becoming your sex slave. If men had brains to think with, I am sure some would, but somehow there may be some lack of brain power or the use of the mind in America where education degrees do not touch. If I am in love with someone and I choose to get involved as I have that is my business and has nothing to do with sex slavery as America's history dictates.
     As far as Republicans are concerned: They do not have any right to make any decision concerning my body ever and have no right insisting on this. They never did, never will, and most likely will not. The Republican party to me is typically a fascist-type of war mongering party whom war monger on women for the profits of men. They sidetrack women by attacking their bodies, so they can continuously profit and insist on their way with the use of dominance, so that women are kept as slaves and servants to society with no opinions, economic powers, or real intelligence. They take slaves, keep slaves, and avoid admitting their slave-master conscience on a united front. Although I know and like some republicans individually, collectively the mind set dictates inauthentic goals for society, in which much of the time skip over the rights of individuals. Republicans have sought to oppress women and minorities most often because they want to keep women and minorities in slave mentality mode; whereas, they work for nothing, for the lowest of wages, and never go anywhere in life because those republicans typically run the largest agencies for profit, such as defense, oil, large corporations, and banks or get kickback financing for being part of those corporation's goals. Keeping slaves oppressed and uneducated is a tactic used ever since the beginning of America. I am not ruling out democrats in this respect either; whether, democrat or republican, men, viewed from a large scale basis have allowed immense injustices to continuously prevent women from experiencing their higher excellence in life.  Some may say there is more to it than that, but it's pretty simple. Go by some illogical ethic that keeps women on the offensive, nonworking, not prospering, unpaid, and tied to a man's kitchen without any pay or security and keeping your minorities uneducated and without rights while they run police societies, is actually the tactic to keep people uneducated enough so they can run wars for profits and keep slaves serving their wars. Let's face it: Most wars go on during Republican situations and are decided upon by Republicans. Some of the worst unnecessary wars happened when Republicans led in the President's seat. War is a sticky business, and it should only take place if absolutely necessary. Wars are complicated and the undercurrent that propels people into war situations are different in each case. Although I cannot generalize or blanket my remarks aimed at "all wars" I have noticed that unusual or irresponsible wars are more prone to take place during Republican administrations.
     One of the worse unnecessary wars happened during the Nixon Administration. But I want to take the focus off of war for now, because of the war that has been perpetrated on women. Do not partake in wars against women; whether it is silent or outright obvious any more! But, who am I making these statements to? I barely have an audience. My opinions have been suppressed, my songs have been trashed and suppressed, my talents and goals have been raped, my intellectual properties have been robbed for someone else's profits, and my were denied. WHO AM I DISCUSSING THIS WITH?

Reconstructing America - Diary, MeToo, Music, Art, Film, Law

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Cruelty Free Network T-Shirts - Tops - Clothing from Zazzle.com

Friday, May 16, 2014

Chocolate Cupcake Countdown Calendar Gifts - Yummy from Zazzle.com

Monday, May 5, 2014

Eclectic Night Light - Art by D Davidsohn - Gifts from Zazzle.com

Monday, April 28, 2014

Sealed In The Wind Painting by Debbie Davidsohn - Sealed In The Wind Fine Art Prints and Posters for Sale

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Baby Chickens ‘Cooked Alive' At Hatchery, Animal Rights Group Contends

Sunday, April 6, 2014

A Study In Value Framed Print By Debbie Davidsohn

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

A Mad Man's Country