Sponsoring a Drug Addict or Alcoholic  

 You can't fix someone from drugs or alcohol. I had a friend from the gym who I got into the program. She was hooked on crack and alcohol, her daily reprieve. 

She wasn't looking for a sponsor, but I suppose saw me as her enabler.  She had many boyfriends too. Her tactic was to lure various males into relationships, so she could then convince them to buy her crack for her. She tapped into the men in the program, vulnerable somewhat, newbies who saw the easy sex issue as all important, more so than their own sobriety and safety as human beings. 

She managed to hook in 32 men from the program, getting them into her car, taking off her underwear, offering herself, getting them entwined with her, then threatening to report them for rape if they didn't buy her crack. 

I just couldn't convince her and this was going on while I didn't know, mostly. When I found out about a few of these incidents and the drama, I asked her to go to sex addicts anonymous. This angered her, and she was really mad at me for telling he about this. I mean, being a sex addict for drugs just isn't normal, and her relationships were really dramatic surrounding drugs. 

She called me on the phone one day telling me once again she was with one of her boyfriends & was using crack. I was supposed to enable her and coddle her, in her view. I told her not to call me anymore because I wasn't going to tolerate her habitual drug use. She became furious and called the police and told the police I had threatened her. 

I've been falsely accused quite several times in my life, but I did have to answer to a detective. I went in to discuss the issue with the detective. He told me he had 32 rape reports by her for 32 different men. I told him, that I was her sponsor & got her into the 12-step program, and she wouldn't listen to me. I suppose the threat was withdrawing myself as an enabler of her abuse and drug usage.  

I don't know if the men were actually innocent or guilty, but I do know that she would tell me about how she would take off her underpants in her car with various guys she liked. I noticed that she would get them to buy her crack, probably so she wouldn't be caught or arrested. 

I stopped being her sponsor and I did cease sponsoring others, or trying to save their lives, from that point on. Trying to fix a broken record may not be possible, and most often they resent good advice and guidance. They think it's a threat to their drugged lifestyles and will go as far as to make felony false police reports, which then goes on my police complaint record making people question my character, which is disturbing at times. 

You can't fix anyone when they are addicted, and most often, if you try to help them, they resent it and think you are their enemy, so sponsors beware. Doing good will is not always seen as good will. They can become very hostile if you ask them to go to an AA meeting.  Getting the drug or the drink becomes more important than any relationship, trust, the bills, responsibilities, and what's best for the job or the kids. It's best to take care of yourself and only work with honest, diligent people who have proven they are taking every step to stay clean and sober, so you don't get used as an enabler. 

There are millions of “functional drug addicts" and “functional alcoholics” though too. You'll see them in the workplace, anywhere, in the police forces, in our government body, at school, and they will make you think they are normal because they go to work and earn monies, or have enough monies to pay the bills. Just because they are functioning at a certain level, doesn't mean they are functionally clean and sober. 

You'll find prescription drug addicts, addicts, and alcoholics sometimes in religious bodies, such as priests, rabbis, and more. Many judges who sit on the bench are prescription junkies and alcoholics. You'll find the problem in every walk of life, no matter how high or low you look.  

Only help those who sincerely want the help, and only if you have the time.  It's an anonymous program, so don't kiss and tell. The worse thing you can do is betray the trustworthiness of the anonymous program.  It's not about PR, property, and prestige. 

Many people go into the program just to get court papers signed, but are not there to get clean and sober. They are just trying to give the court something, so they can get out of going to jail. Some go to the program because they can get a room in a recovery house paid for by the State and are not there to work the program or get clean and sober. They use the program as crash houses only and move from place to place, cause when they get discovered using, they are told to leave. 

Some go to the program and see it as a pickup joint. It's not. It's not a place for easy pickins, yet there may be those who are like my old sponsored who refused to give up the crack and alcohol.  

Let's face it, alcohol or drugs, or both destroyed enough of our lives and trying to have normal relationships or even a normal workforce of some sort with alcoholics and drug addicts may also be difficult.   

May you trudge the road of happy recovery. 

 

 

Comedy writing sample. 

c 2022 by Debbie Davidsohn – All Rights Reserved

 

Sex Lines

(Comedy or Drama?)

Flash Fiction, Prose, a Scene, whatever you want to make of it…

(This is in prose & flash fiction format, but can be transposed into a working scene)

 

            Sarah reached begrudgingly towards the side of her bed to answer the phone. Her short red hair was rumpled up in matted clumps. She noticed a squished chocolate covered donut to the right of her squashed to her tanned bed sheets.

            “Hello, Hollywood Hottie Line. Sheena speaking. How can I help you?” she answered in a deep sultry voice.

            Sarah stood up with the phone leaning on her shoulder and looked at herself in her full-length mirror. She was wearing a black leather jacket still, which she fell asleep in, was 4’10”, wore a crinkled t-shirt, and was about 40 pounds overweight.

            She spoke into the phone with a breathy tone of voice and said, “I’m wearing hot pink silk stockings, have on black leather pumps, and have you between my E size red silk bra.  I’m taking off my silk stockings now. Oh, you are the largest man, I’ve ever known!”

            In the mirror, Sarah noticed her own disgusted look as she frowned at herself in the mirror and gritted her teeth.

            “As fast as you like honey.  If you don’t hurry, I’m going to go over there and tie you up to your chair with my pink silk stockings.”

            She heard a loud moan in her earpiece and had to pull the phone a few inches away from her head.

            “That’s a good boy.  Until next time, sweetie.” She then hung up the phone.

            Noticing the time, she quickly put on her hi-tops, grabbed her motorcycle keys, and left her apartment.

            Sarah revved up her motorcycle engine and took off to a local bar called Clippers. She regularly hung out there, sitting at the bar, talking to her buddies and strangers, drinking whatever the other person was drinking.

            On this evening, her buddy Natlie was drinking at the bar, and so was the bartender, Al.

            “Hey Sarah, how many pink stockings did you have to use tonight?” Al smiled, as he poured her a shot of tequila.

            “Aw man, at $150.00 dollars a pop, you’d think I would need a hundred a day, but tonight it was maybe seven. Yesterday was much better. They maybe need to do more late-night advertising or change the women they are using in their ads,” Sheena replied, reaching for the shot of tequila. She quickly gulped down the tequila, slammed the shot glass down, and silently demanded more.

            “Have you ever met up with any of your night callers?” asked Natlie. She took the salt shaker and shook some of the salt on the back of her hand, then licked up the salt, and gulped down a shot of tequila.

            “Hell no woman! I’d lose all my business if they knew I was a short overweight ugly dyke with no interest in men at all. These men actually believe that Sheena is a 5’11, super-blonde Playboy bunny with a 40-inch set of knockers, a 26-inch waist, and with 35-inch hips. My clients toot monies out of their asses non-stop, because of their own imaginations.”

            All three laughed. Al took a swig from his shot glass and put a bottle of tequila down on the bar between them, then, poured himself another. “Hey, that’s how I kept my marriage going all those years; I just closed my eyes and imagined Monroe” Al said. He swigged down another shot of tequila.

            “It’s a living. You can’t knock it. You should see the other women who work for the line. I look good compared to some of ‘em” Sarah smiled.

            Al looks at Sarah sardonically. “You think you’re ugly? You should see my x-wife! Man, she let herself go bad.”

            “Je-zuz Al. You guys are all the same. It’s always about what she looks like and not what she makes you feel like” Sarah told Al with a hint of disappointment in her voice.

            Natlie agreed and poured some more salt on the back of her hand. “Well, that’s why I had breast implants put in, two ribs removed, and do the gym 2 hours a day. I couldn’t live, if Jerry left me.  He can come home to his own hottie right in his own bedroom.”

            “Jerry who, Natlie?” asked Sarah. “I had a Jerry on my line the other day. He told me his wife was boring him to tears and he needed a diversion for a change.”

            Natlie looked down at her drink ready to cry. “I can’t believe it. I thought we were doing so well. I work so hard at pleasing that man. I even installed a pole in the bedroom so I could do those naughty dances for him.”

            Sarah smiles at Natlie. “I’m just kidding Natlie.”

            "No you're not!" Natlie replied. 

            "You're just being nice. He's bored of me".

            Sarah is serious: "I really am joking round some Natlie

            Don't get all worked up and do anything I wouldn't do."

            Natlie looks into the distance thinking up strategy trying to resolve her                           husband's boredom, somehow. 

            "I'm just gonna have to be someone else. Let's see, I'll get a wig in a                               different color,  change my fashion, take down the stripper pole..."

            Sarah interrupts Natlie. . . 

            "Or,  you could burn his dinner & morning toast, leave your place a                                stinking mess,  max his credit cards out, wipe out the bank account and                         look like shit when he gets home" Sheena stands up sarcastically.

             "This would show him what he will be missing instead and help him                                appreciate what he had all along. And, while you're at it, why don't you                          tell him you want you ribs back!"

           

           

Remembering Gene Ruggiero, My Friend, Associate, Academy Award Winner.

Remembering Gene Ruggiero, Academy Award Winner, Friend, and Associate 

Going through a few boxes in my storage I found my friend, Gene Ruggiero's interview and more.  Gene and I met one day at the famous Jack in the Box on Sunset Blvd. and Cahuenga. I was living in the Old Richmond Hotel on the corner of Sunset and Cahuenga, upstairs, which had prior, in early Hollywood history, housed Charlie Chaplin and many more celebrities. Mae West and Marilyn were known to also stop by. At that time, these stars were struggling. Gene told me they sometimes lived on a few donuts at a time.  This was before the famed Chaplin Stage was created. Gene told me how Chaplin actually accidentally stepped in the tobacco pit and everyone laughed.  The spot I rented was a hole in the wall with a radiator that didn't work. They gave me the entire floor though and I used it to stage videos, have parties, do choreography with dancers, record music, and practice in. A famous photographer named, Herbie rented across the way. We did a slew of photos of me in that studio. He is particularly known for his photography of Stevie Nicks.  

Gene and I would sit down together every morning and have our coffee. He would speak endlessly of his MGM early days, his work on many films,  and about some of the relationships (or what went on behind the scenes).  We got to work though on films, from budgeting various films, to trying to produce films. We joined forces on my screenplay, Diamonds are a Man's Best Friend.  Other friends would join us who worked in various areas of the entertainment industry every morning.  Gene Ruggiero was a very respectful person, never attempted to grope or demean my ambitions somehow. He was a completely trustworthy fellow and I appreciated this. We spent much time together, going to studios, meetings and our daily Jack in the Box chats.  

Gene had a big dream of getting a new Hollywood Film Studio going and we got to the point of major financial players who were ready to fund, but it didn't go past that. He also had a slew of screenplays and projects we were running around to various studios for. Pertaining to Indy, I took the head of Entertainment at Bank of America to lunch with Gene and he put up a Standby letter of credit to fund any of our pictures.  To make indy Hollywood films, you have to have another letter of credit which backs the entire costs perchance of default. That was the challenging aspect we both endured.  One of the most memorable thing about Gene Ruggiero was our friendship, which I appreciated beyond measure. The climb was enjoyable in itself and his friendship more rare than a rare diamond.   

At one point I was managed by a company called A.I.D.A. Management with Henry Jones at the helm.  We produced a series of directories called the Platinum and Gold Directory series. I wore various hats, from editing to graphic artist, from an interview I conducted with Allen Blazek (Grammy Award Winner, "Hotel California" and more).   A host of people were interviewed as well, including Gene Ruggiero.   

First, here is a letter he wrote about me when I was being violently stalked by David Lee Roth who was passionately envious of my goals, my filmmaking attempts, and interfered with my safety, well-being by perpetrating countless crimes.  

Here is the Platinum and Gold Henry Jones Interview 

Henry is originally from Africa and had studied and lived in the UK. He then came to the USA to complete his pHd college degree at UCLA. I helped him write up & edit his final thesis to graduate. We became friends for awhile and he got me into the music studio to record part of an album, produced stage concerts locally for me with my band(s). Henry moved onto more politically-orientated ventures at some point. Enjoy Gene's interview.

There is a place called "Victory House" in Burbank. Many of these men were released from prison & they have an ongoing 12 step recovery program. The men all work together getting their lives together.

I used to lead certain meetings there and got to know many of these people.  Women would also go to the meetings.

One day, my jeep broke down.  Two of the men jumped and helped push it to my apartment.

I had hired some of these guys off and on to do various tasks as well cause I sometimes needed help.

One of the men, who pushed my car generously also communicated effectively. I hired him to help me with a few things.

I asked him, "what his dream was".  He told me that his dream was to work with kids, to stop them from having the life he had.  He also told me he didn't even have the money to catch a bus to go search for jobs.  Well, I hired him and paid him, although I didn't have much money myself.  I told him to go get that job.

He found one and came back and told me disheartened that they turned him down because of his record.  He seemed so sad and without hope. Working for the city, through the city seemed impossible.

He went and started reading some laws, and inside the laws he found something important and went back to them with those laws telling them they couldn't discriminate against him. They hired him on the spot.

A little while later, maybe months he now had his own nice car, a suit, looked like he had confidence and told me he had been working with kids. 

This is a success story.  All he wanted to do was work with kids to change their lives and he did.  Although, they turned him down at first, they realized that he wouldn't stand on the outside judging these kids, but had first hand experience as to how it could be for kids who were neglected, abused, left to fend for themselves, in poverty, despair, and how drugs and drink were pushed around the streets.

He was highly respectful, trustworthy, and I could tell from his whole demeanor at first, that he would be good for any job, program, or company.  The way he treated me, with the utmost respect, well, told me that he was more law abiding than many people who had never been sent to prison.  He didn't drink, take drugs, respects women, cares about children, is honest, wouldn't steal a dollar, and well you couldn't ask for a more worthy person. I met many of these people though and there are more experiences. 

Supporting MeToo Doesn't Work with People Such as Ariana Grande: A Cruel Torturous Thief

Although she would be better called "Aryan Grande" or the Grand Aryan, Grande, with a seemingly nice face and ok voice, spent her time obsessed with my works of art, my life, and ran a Crusade to steal my works, demean my message, and harassed me a large part of the year sending various men to my personal residence trespassing, lying, terrorizing, and doing some really insane stuff. If you think you don't know me, think again: I've been in many music bands and although you didn't listen to me, you did listen to many who sang about me in albums or portions of their songs: David Lee Roth with his "Yankee Rose" crusade and more from his dirty big rotten derelict mouth; Mick Jagger who wrote "Goddess in the Doorway" after hanging out my diary page & website who wrote some about me on that solo lp, although was more courteous about it all than all the rest; Madonna, with her "Ray of Light" who I got with and did some stuff for like funny costumes and more...and gave her some of my music for potential record deal, but instead of offering me work or anything, she exploited me for her glorious fame & wealth instead, hating me for being a woman, alive, with needs, wants, and rights cause she felt she was the only woman allowed to be a big shot; and more listed later.

My name is Debbie Davidsohn or Debbie "SG" Davidsohn known in music world with music nick names, such as Yankee Rose, Sun Goddess, and then there is was a dancer name used for stage shows as well.  Who the fuck cares? Well you bought all that music about me didn't you, so you must have cared enough to dig into your bank and pockets to empower someone using me somehow.

I just spent the last year contending with trampling fazed out bitch, Ariana Grande who literally took it upon herself to stalk me, steal all types of work I created, hinder my healing and sense of well being, and who broke the law violating basic music industry ethics, sneaking around my place, dumping trash and unwanted crap allover the grounds, and making a huge ass of herself, label, and male chauvinistic art team who stuck their names on my work plus bankrolled monies that should have been paid to me.

My Artwork, Mixed Media, 2014 

Ariana Grande steals from my art, (her video after she sent men to my residence and stalked me) without crediting me, offering me art director contract, & simply thieving all credit given to male artists who stole from me, harassed me at my house, terrorized, trespassed, and then took credit for my creations and monies as well. 

Grande got word that I was a rape victim and also David Lee Roth's victim, and knowing I was suffering, scared, and vulnerable having been attacked multiple times by David Lee Roth, with his own obsession and exploitation of me for his wealth & fame; she decided to spend her time making my situation worse.

It was like gangster rape mentality: A group of lunatics, although famous, see one is doing it and getting off on it, so they join the gang bang. They don't call to say, "hey are you ok, I was thinking of doing this or that, is that ok with you?" or, "hey I'd like to send my art team over.. Can we build an art installation on the property outside your window or is that private property?", or, "hi Debbie, I really like what you are doing artistically and would like to negotiate with you about it and even make you my art director? How do you feel about that?". Instead it was: "No, I own the Catholic church and anything they say is the ultimate truth and even though almost all the Bible was stolen from the Jews either way, we established our right to invade, rob people, force convert them and this is our legacy.....shhhh, don't tell anyone this truth...it's way too ugly to reckon with; so, I'm going over your house, with a slew of men I hired, going to trespass on your property, throw trash allover the grounds, mock and berate your below poverty levels by building a fake homeless person outside your window, and not even going to ask you if it's ok, cause I own everything you create, everything you own, your house, your grounds, the private property that someone else purchased, and have a right to scare, sicken, and terrorize whoever the fuck I want, when I want, cause I'm the biggest Vatican church going hot shot there is now and you are just a poor Jew, who deserves nothing; no credit, no right to enjoy life in America or any country I claim as the Vaticanship; cause you are a Jew, already a rape victim you are used to being traumatized and terrorized so I enjoy doing terror...I'll simply steal what you spent years creating and making it mine, using it without paying you cause it makes me feel powerful and my Aryan fans love that and applaus me, empower me, truckload monies into my banks, and as long as I'm a horrifying, god privileged White privileged girl living in a place where I'm a majority, I'm certain society will back me up, so what the hell, let me continue being the ugly sadist I love being, and continuing on with Hitler's legacy, cause it feels so good to be a Bitch and getting away with any crime I can". That was Grande's mentality and that of her paid employees, her art team and its ugly head.

Not only that, but after years of post 9-11 special services simply caring and doing some of the most historically significant services for the country & supposed free world of peace loving people, and after having sacrificed my art, music, and some of my valuable years so everyone could live in happiness, freedom, & their children grow up to feel safe: Grande or the Grand Aryan simply hires a bunch of creeps, liars, and disrespectful low lifes to make my life a living hell.  Who the hell does she think she is? 

Would she have done this if I was baptized in the Catholic church though? Probably not.  

Knowing my history in the music industry and the horrible misogyny and tyranny, coldness, and calculating hatred inside the music industry that I experienced, a spoiled brat, Ariana Grande, pampered and privileged through her religious upbringing, decided to make my year a living hell. The same person who never had to fight for anyone's rights, stand up for anyone, never had to face religious persecution, racism, nor poverty got to trample all over the already hurt and poor. 

First off, my sister was very ill, and I didn't have the money to take care of her. She endured some of the worse type of suffering and lack of justice possible, which is another story, another reality. Ariana knew this. Through my Tweets online, I asked for help.  I had endured threats by David Lee Roth, who has had a longtime obsession with me, my personal affairs, my attempt at business, and had spent much of his life committing felony crimes upon me, stalking me, terrorizing me, beating me, using harsh felony innuendoes to stop me from achieving any sort of personal economic gain or satisfaction and peace in my personal life.  He also made a truck load of money singing about me on various albums, and turning me into his slave for his wealth, an object made for his glorious fame and desires, and all the while committing felony crimes against me. 

So Grande, decided it was in her privilege and power to reiterate crimes, I mean after all, being White, Catholic, spoiled, pampered like crazy, and born into a racist ignorant society helps a lot when you are Miss Aryan Grande, now doesn't it. Who am I: Of Judaic origins, scared also of it knowing the huge antiSemitism that exists all over the world, including the US;  being victimized all my life because of it, left out, stolen from, exploited and believe you me: The Jewish men treat Jewish artists like myself as bad as any regime, also another factual story.  So I have two things against me in America today: First, I'm a woman and although of Jewish descent, Jewish men hammer me down to the ground when they can either way for being one, as a second class unimportant person with no real rights, being a woman. Second, a huge predominant Catholic society who feel empowered by past Crusades, including Hitler's Catholic crusade against humanity; whereas, he murdered six million Jews, and close to 60 million worldwide, including Black people, freedom fighters, scores of US soldiers, gays, gypsies, atheists, or anyone who did not abide by his megalomaniacal tyranny.  Being a Jewish woman in the US, meant no record deal, and tons of sexual harassment, humiliation, and terror & scare tactics perpetrated by the male executives inside the music industry. 

This did not exclude women, especially if they were Catholic. You see, Catholics never had to be hung by nooses, thrown into ovens alive, never had to endure slavery as Blacks and the Jews did.  They got to force convert Native American tribes through ritual despicable abuses and horrors, you can't even imagine right now. They got to ritually force convert Africans as well. 

It's strange because my first two pregnancies were by a Catholic Italian Greek man I was in love with. I never knew there was so much hatred that existed until I got into the music industry. Although I started singing and playing music at 3 years old, I only started playing live with bands in the public at 17 years old. 

But, after dealing with Madonna, another hateful, hurtful, person, and contending with music industry moguls who all humiliated me, while most discussed my genitals in a vulgar manner after calling me into their offices and after hearing my cds or seeing my vids, to only bring me into their offices to make me hurt, feel scared, and deprived, I realize that the anti - Semitism lives on.  Although, a Jewish music executive would never sign a female Jewish musician or singer as well, it's like a double barrel shotgun, with two bullets being shot all at once and having to bite em both at the same time. 

First, she send over these men, who came to my door making up stories and lies: NOT BEING HONEST and scaring me. They acted suspicious, were suspicious, made up lies that were suspicious, and had no place being at my place nor my new Black neighbor's place. Two White men, who she did not know coming to welcome her to my block? I doubt it, especially with the lies they made up (will be told hopefully, in a court hearing).  She sent more men who also harassed my new neighbor to see if she was home, watching, so no one could see what they were doing. I know, cause I met them outside and it was quite obvious they were making up lies.  

Then I noticed trash strewn outside my front window, pieces of clothing, old stuffed animals thrown about. More and more was piling up weekly. I realize it was Grande's art thugs, who thought it was humorous to steal from me, and soak in my vulnerabilities while building some monstrous god awful fake homeless person outside my front window. They were making something outside my window, trespassing on private property and kept coming back sneaking around my residence as if they owned the place.  

Ariana Grande's fake homeless person trash creation outside my front window at my personal residence. She had garbage and trash strewn all around and no there was no hidden camera inside by the way.  

You see, I was grieving horribly over my sister who had passed away. It was so hard. I needed friends so bad and everyone was too busy to care either way. To make matters worse, my economic situation was horrible. I was sick from years of rapes & abuses dealing with pain and trying to recover; dealing with rapists, beaters, harmful terrorizing people, and then there was my years of intel work protecting people still unpaid for (yet another long story of great heroism, great achievement saving countless lives & economy and all for what?: So I can be persecuted for being so good, for caring so much about life, for saving lives, for being alive, for being me, for having talent, creations, and rights.  Why did I save so many lives, do so much good to be treated as nothing in such a horrifying manner, with so much disrespect, disregard, lack of honesty or integrity? 

They sought to drive me to my death, whether through extreme poverty, deprivation of justice, sadistic crimes, rape, deprivation of my right to joy, expression, and happiness and all because of what? I still don't understand, I really don't, how can anyone find any happiness by doing that to good people? What did I ever do to Ariana Grande to deserve such hatred, such deception, such cunning conning, baffling injustice, and to be deprived credit, pay, contract offers or even a friend? I didn't even know her at all, had no relationship with her, never contacted her, and really didn't listen to her music at all. Is that the way she gains fans? What does she really get out of it? Is the gold or money really worth it? I guess it is to her? I could never lower myself so low to treat anyone in such a manner though, I really couldn't. Just to go out and terrorize someone who was losing a family member, in dire straight, still trying to recover from some of the most difficult times in US history, after major surgery... It just sounds like terrorism to me or terrorist mentality.  Does it make her feel bigger, better than me, or stronger to steal, hurt, or deprive justice from me? What can it possibly bring her? Applause from other Aryan anti Semites? Hitler's crusaders? What did it ever bring Hitler in the way of good? He destroyed his own country Germany, killed all types of people, including innocent Germans; destroyed almost all of Europe, and all under the guise of a Catholic Crusade. 

I kept hearing knocks at my door, all by Ariana Grande's liars.  She was so insensitive, that she even sent someone to my door asking for huge monies for security, knowing I was broke, in financial despair, without even enough money to take care of my sister, and given some mercy by a family member & finally given a place to stay, and after harassing me for months on end and then sending a guy in a car to sit outside my residence spying on us to watch who was coming home or leaving at what time so they could continue their anti Semitic crusade building a homeless person in front of my window. They were feeling me out, as to how I would react if they robbed me. You know, if I was a psychotic, they wouldn't have done what they did, because all I had to do was pull out a shotgun for trespassing. I should have, when I think back. They had no right sneaking around me at all, let alone subjecting my new neighbor to trauma as well. We had to call police finally on her guy.  She had a whole entourage of despicable immoral imbeciles coming to and fro to my residence making a huge mess of things ongoing for months on end. She sent a man, to park outside my house spying on me and this was Ariana & her art team just so they could steal my artwork and deprive me economic satisfaction or a sense of justice. The goal, the aim, in Aryan White culture is to humiliate, war, and deprive the good feelings of any minority some way or another, no matter how and as a culturally signed heritage of crusades throughout eras of horrific torture and heinous acts perpetrated upon all types of people, it apparently continues today. That is so sad, because I like members of the Vatican and worked with them so much; none of them would ever support such crusadership and crime ever! It's also sad, cause people in my family line are also Catholic but they don't have the terrorist mentalities nore racism that these thugs, like Aryan Grande enjoyed. They would sneak when they thought none of us were home, and throw more garbage around. They thought it was funny as they trespassed on privately owned property and scared people on my block. 

It was a strange mockery as well, because I was homeless for quite awhile and did live in my car at one point. I also was homeless when I was younger, and didn't have a car, so slept at various people's houses. It was a horrible situation. Being female, of Jewish descent in the music industry was an immediate reason for industry executives to pass, to call me in anyway for a meeting only to find them trying to rape me, grope me, humiliating me somehow through verbal vulgarities and humiliation tactics of some sort, just because I am female or have Jewish people in my family. I never stood a chance at all, even though I sang when I was 3, wrote and played music proficiently by ear by ten, studied music all my life, could sing many styles and languages, was on a six year voice scholarship studying voice six days a week in private scholarship lessons.  To all the industry executives, as long as you could be mostly ruthless, cruel, was a criminal of some sort, maybe into hard drugs, you were good to go; either that, if you were born into a Catholic family, you had it made. It was a rare occurrence if a Jewish singer and musician made it to the top of any charts for any substantial time in the US and probably Europe as well, especially Jewish female talent. And that, is part of the male Jewish regimic horrors of being a Jew; Jewish men almost never help uphold any rights to freedom for Jewish woman. 
They want money, protection, women to fight for them, but in America or even other parts of the free world, the men see Jewish women as non essentials, except if they breed, clean house, side jewel them, or do sex acts for them.  Being great artists, famous celebrities, singers, musicians, well there is only place for possible males who are Jewish. Religious Jewish men are not even allowed by some ridiculous law to listen to a female sing. You are supposed to hear them sing, see them dance for joy, listen to their speeches, religious talks, opinions, and praise their works though, but women? Well, let's look at this way, in all the record label offices I've been to where there were Jewish leaders, It was already a crime that I even wanted a music career, that I was born singing, that I sang, that I loved singing, and that I wanted my economic security.  

The following is a freeze frame of a live choreography and dance performance I created and performed. I am in the red. It's a creation for women's rights and activism essentially for most of the significant honors, awards, recognition, and monies in all societies today are handed to the men. Religious writings in all religions all praise the males, while demeaning females; females are ritually oppressed as contributors of anything; used as concubines in harems; are never real leaders, and this piece of stage art and choreography takes a group of males and females, symbolic of G-d, and Eve (me) and reflects a focus on the female in this biblical literature. 

This choreography and dance video I made and starred in was released over ten years ago.  Grande & her male artist team took this and whereas, they should have offered me a contract as art director because I created this work, they stole it instead, deprived me any sort of credit as a no name slave, and stamped their male names all over this. This was my fight for justice for the female gender and myself and Ariana Grande helped her clan of males to trample on any rights I could have enjoyed.  

The following is a piece of art I created working on my BA College Degree in Art.  Although, once again a female is the focus of God's love and creation, I reinvented the long held belief that only the male was in God's favor, a huge brainwash that has exerted itself through populations around the world.  This was done in Watercolor & was published also in the scholarly journal, "Captured: America Already Great" published & Edited by the Africana Studies Dept. at CSUN. Although, I'm probably the only White Artist & Writer they chose, the theme and content is what captured their attention as I also advocated strongly for Civil Rights throughout my life, trying to do whatever I could to help a racist nation progress. I also was a very strong person who asked Barack Obama to run for President when he was a Senator.  He did, and he won and did what he could too to promote and try to help the nation progress in the Civil Rights dept. 

I wasn't just an artist, musician, or singer all my life, but was Politically attuned and gained certain clout in very essential areas, so I could help choose and uphold the rights of the few, even if not for myself. I could help someone else and was quite joyfilled to see America's Black Citizens feel joy, a little security, or the possibility of hope that the treacherous evils of racism would cease rearing it's horrific head. From my lifelong experience, being born, not feeling privileged as "others" are due to their color, religion, gender, or economic position, I understood inherently the insides out subconsciously; that is, even with a good education in Black lit and arts, studying its history, I already knew the right thing to do and what not to do.  

It was harder to face my own lifelong plight though and easier to help others, all the while knowing how hideous it felt to be stopped by a police officer just because he is Aryan colored White, or sees a Jewish star, sees Brown skin, or sees a chance to exert his power and tyranny and incite fear and terror, even when he has no reason to stop anyone, hand out a ticket cause they did nothing wrong and broke no law, and can kick or beat up a person just because he is a White Aryan, wears a badge, and wants to control the world.  

Debbie Davidsohn - A Little Equality Goes a Long Way - Watercolor on Watercolor Board - 2015 

Aryan Grande's label and art team, sat on my art portfolio websites avoiding my licensing fees, refusing to give me credit, and all the while using and exploiting my works. I worked so hard to try and create a new career I could earn honest monies with; earned two college degrees, and starting to work on my 3rd University Art Degree. I was in such despair after suffering decades of harsh innuendos inside the music industry. I was hoping art would help me heal as well as I endured surgeries after being assaulted, tortured, raped, beat up; and the Grande team of thugs also ritually abused me, claiming that this was the churches and that I had no right to my own artwork.  

The truth and facts are: The Church actually stole the original stories that were in Hebrew Torahs and scrolls, you may also call the bible. If they wanted to argue on behalf of the Catholic Church, I have the argument to go with it.  But, if only they as Catholics were allowed to interpret art that was within a church and no one else was; who gave them the right to interpret the original Jewish Holy books, take the literature then stamp "Catholic" on already created and written books in the first place? Also, Michael Angelo is not around. The facts are is that I own the copyrights to my art and adapting my art is an infringement of my copyright. Grande and her art team did not think up what I had already created long before; I deserved pay, fees, a contract offer, and NAMED CREDIT; that is, MY NAME ON WORK I HAD ALREADY CREATED and which was already published.  

Most importantly was earning a living and having a career in the chosen field at hand: Art.  Instead, Aryan Grande paid only the male artists, only gave them the credit, and kept herself in the public eye as people ooowed and awed at her grandois "creativity".  I was left in the dust cleaning up their mess for an entire year afterwards, a mess I have not discussed yet. 

My different workings of the same art: This time, God is female and so is Eve. A thumbnail artwork done in Watercolor - 2015 

Two more versions using females as God and Eve. Created in 2015

Grande & her thug art team wouldn't leave me be as they stole and used me as their slave all the while using my original works, when they should have offered me a contract as "art director" which is the proper thing to do in the entertainment industry and art industry, & turned it into her music video art. You see, there are ethics in art and in the art industry, anyone with education, morals, honesty and integrity would of course offer a contract as "art director" or pay a "license fee" to the artist who creates and has a portfolio items a company likes. Everyone knows this. 

This can be compared to finding a voice you like to sing a song: First you ask that person to sing it, negotiate, act with courtesy, and if the person says, "yes" you then go ahead and produce the song.  They first sign on the dotted line, agree to a fee, agree to the date & time, and go to work. You don't hear a voice then try to steal it to create a production!  I mean in today's tech world, it's possible to steal a voice, put into into a tech machine, then use it for anything you want and it would be legally and morally unethical! 

Another ethical consideration (when not in parody or comedic look alike businesses); is to not steal other artist's voices.  Everyone has their own "voice"; their own sound, their own style, their own thoughts, essential own stamp and thumbprint! No two people are exactly the same.  Stealing someone else's voice or trying to sound like them on a cd is unethical and actually evil, hateful, and also a form of stealing and thievery; If you can't embrace yourself, your own voice and need to sound like someone else or pretend you are another singer to plagiarize them, then I would say you do the same potential harm to any person infringed upon. 

Grande's God is a Woman - 2018 

The same ethics applies in the film world: There are storyboard artists who work with filmmakers.  They create ideas.  I was the storyboard artist for "God is a Woman" but the male artists with Grande and her record labels anti Semitic consent took my long time works without even flinching. 

Here I was in terrible financial & economic despair living well below poverty level, trying to get my degree at University and at the same time, owing monies to the Fed Government, living in unbearable humiliation, fear, and anguish and along comes Aryan Grande, the Grand Aryan with her army of thieves, liars, and deceivers trampling on private property, banging on my door, strewing trash and sadistic behaviors taking advantage of my economic plight, knowing that someone living in poverty is less than likely able to purchase justice and then sweeping it all under a rug as if it all didn't happen, just like the Holocaust. 

A Band & Artist Promo Photos - My Band & Music Nik was "Sun Goddess" throughout the 90s into 2000s 

Since no one would allow me any semblance of integrity, justice, nor allow my trained voice & years of education in music to be central focus in any portion of the music industry, I turned to other areas: Film studies, acting & theatre, improv studies, and art studies. I studied voice since I was a teen, working with coaches in private schools, working jobs to pay for lessons & then earned a six year scholarship with Opera coach, Francesco Vespia. I worked with him six days a week studying in different languages, learning Bel Canto, and doing all types of singing. I worked & studied so hard to make it, thinking I wasn't good enough. I didn't face, that it was anti Semitism, misogyny, and the hatred for Jewish women that was the real reason I couldn't earn a living nor gain a contract in the music industry.  The Jewish men were just as bad as any other criminals inside the industry, at least, that is the way they treated me. 

I wasn't allowed to enjoy my life, enjoy my constitutional rights, enjoy the fruits of my education and studies simply based on my gender and my religious background.  I spent 30 years trying to pursue contracts, was called into some of the most elite mogul's offices, met with them face to face, was in touch with some of the most famous bands of all times and it was always the same: Some form of humiliation and exploitation was the only answer I got for my long years and quests.  It was either, a recording artist would exploit me instead of help me or be a friend, such as Madonna did and all the while hating me for being alive and being kind.  Or, Coldplay who I went to for help needing to work desperately, piled up with debt and bills, no place to live and instead, they turn around and exploited me in lyrics for their varied albums; or David Lee Roth who not only attempted to rape me when I was 15, but went on doing various albums writing about me, empowering himself, exploiting me as if I was just an object or piece of furniture, a piece of carcass and all the while doing felony crimes against me, or, Robert Plant who had the audacity to write an album about me released on my birthday, but was so cold and uncouthful he didn't even offer me an opening slot or some type of job singing so I could have a little cash to my name and he did it again, using me as his muse as if I had no rights at all. 

Or, Nicki Minaj and the other singer, who responded lyrically to an old song I did and didn't know how to be a real friend: It was all about exploitation and nothing else. It wasn't like, "hey let me call her to see if she's ok and be a real friend"; it was, "hey let me coldly respond to her lyrics in self seeking fashion and use her as muse instead--forget if she is alive or not or in despair--it's all about me...my wealth, my glory, my fame".  Not that Nicki was the worse, or her buddy Alicia, but you know how someone talks about you as if you weren't there or had no feelings?  That's the way I was treated.  Did you all make enough glory, fame, and wealth for yourselves? Don't worry: Even though you could have instead offered friendship and even referred me for a record deal fully knowing I was without a deal, unworking, and had already suffered extreme pain and trauma for many years, I don't expect anyone to ever be a real friend inside the music industry any longer. That hope is gone; I know what is about now.  Friends don't exist: Just glory and fame. Just ask Madonna who trusts no one and has no friends, which she admitted in writing.  

Then there is Anthony Kiedis of Red Hot Chili Peppers who tortured me at Venice Beach after standing up for Jesse Jackson in a rockumentary, bringing all types of friends, both Black and White to do a music video documentary with me, supporting Jesse.  Kiedis came out like a wild psychotic beast with rabies attacking my film set, destroying everything in his path, then threatening to murder me.  He then got a White Venice Police Dept over to torture me; whereas, he made false allegations. They beat me, hurt me with lifetime injuries, destroyed my video documentary, terrorized my entire cast and crew, terrorized everyone so much, they sat silenced forever, and these guys then put me in jail for doing nothing in the freezing cold, hurt and shivering, needing a hospital, and didn't even give me a phone call required by law. You see, they could do whatever they liked.  To top it off, Kiedis & his Red Hot Chili Peppers then went on to fame, glory and fortune over the incident, when he wrote "Breaking the Girl" acting in the song as if he cared. He watched the physically torture me and stood there enjoying it. His song, a huge fake.  

Kiedis wouldn't stop there though: Later, he did it again, this time after the 911 attacks: He painted me topless for his album cover, an image of me at Venice Beach, with a "ray of light" in front of my eyes, knowing who I was in that sense. The image he got was from my old music video at Venice Beach unedited, whereas, Metallica had some of my footage and gave it to Kiedis. Without even asking my permission, humiliated me, not only painting me topless and without my consent, he kept harassing me, all for his power, rage, dogmatism, fame, and fortune. I mean like what else was there? Humbleness or integrity? That always flew out the window where Kiedis was concerned; because that didn't apply to women overall or generally, they were only born to be milked, exploited, used, raped, molested, or drugged up as far as he was concerned, and of course, Jewish women were the bottom of the totem pole of course, according to a majority societal standard in America.  

This was my claim to fame: Being humiliated, raped, exploited for other people's wealth and fame and never named, so I got to experience victimhood repeatedly for years and years on end, as if America wasn't the country I was born in, as if I didn't have any rights, as if beating me down somehow would get these people anywhere. The god awful truth is it did get them somewhere: They made countless millions of dollars, and mostly with Warner Bros and Warner Brothers humiliated me as well and treated me as nothing.  All the while, these fat shitheads are counting their profit columns as to the money I was making them, but no one cared when I needed to work, went to them repeatedly for my own record deal, and couldn't care less how I felt. Just to think, Warner Brothers started by Jewish mean, I suppose a great conduit to torture, humiliate, and keep Jewish women as subservient, living in horror, terror, nightmares, depravity, and poverty if they want their independence, their own name stamped on their own wealth or economic security, and their own house in case the bastard is another raping sadist type who uses economic empowerment to keep his "woman" at bay, tied on to his money strings, afraid to leave cause she has nothing in her name and can't afford to pay an attorney, and the ritualistic sadistic horror has gone on and will go on for centuries more. 

The following was also taken from my house. You see, when Grande's team of god awful thugs came to my house, harassing my neighbor and I; they saw me feeding the prairie dogs that live outside my house. I was feeding them peanuts and I believe a banana I had left over.  That's when they started to lie to me: It was so obvious they were making up some sort of lies and didn't belong there on my block. I knew my neighbor had nothing to do with them also. She confirmed this as well. They had the audacity to also use that in her video, although that is not outright stealing, but it does show, combined with all the other issues I have had with her, how obsessed they were with me.  

Scene from Aryan Grande's "God is a Woman" 

The land they trampled on by the way, is privately owned, that is they had no right being near my home, any property on my street for that matter.  Does anyone respect "private property" in the Aryana gang though? Obviously not. These are all adult males, and of course an adult Aryana. 

But I do know this: She wouldn't like if a bunch of strange men who were shady, unscrupulous, and deceptive coming to her mother's house, her house, or any of their houses, throwing around trash, garbage, sneaking around on people's property, harassing neighbors, and robbing now would they? So, hows about a Golden Rule: You keep off my block Aryan Grande cause there will be no next time for you.  

But you see, I understand it won't matter much to people, of course without conscience because I don't have a huge PR budget yet, and some couldn't care less about what is right and wrong.  Why should I be the one who had to help her make her fortune though. I feel like I'm one of Hitler's slaves, being used for his huge wealth and fame allover again.  

Some people get to enjoy their lives and some people have to live on constant edge, poverty, being ritually targeted and live life suffering.  How could anyone though, steal from a poor musician or someone already suffering so bad though? I don't understand how any human could resort to such mayhem actually. I just don't understand that way of thinking.  

It's a pity that an empty life of fame and fortune or gold statues answer or fills the spirit at all. Aryan Grande is like an empty soul with no real heart, cold, religionist, pomp, and quite arrogant in her anti Semitism and Catholicism. She has no real education either, just born and brainwashed thinking she is high above or more privileged than all minority communities. Just buy her dirty garbage is all you need to do. It's like a command and ok, I know some enjoy & will purchase from the worse abusers or criminals around.  They enjoy the sadism, the way Billy the Kid got off the hook, the way Billy the Pedophile & Rapist hurt troves of women and children and hope they can be the same. 

They enjoy wimpy singers like Grande with her fake little meaky appeal, I can't even listen to her soul cause she has none; she sings like wimpy soggy potato chips trying to act like anyone else, not really there though. It's like when you listen to her or view her, it seems SHE IS NOT THERE, JUST A SOUND COMING OUT cause she can't really "Feel" for people and has no true conscience, ethics, knowledge, wisdom..It's like she is missing her soul or heart...it's the strangest thing.   She can't really give emotionally or spiritually to others, because giving doesn't exist where she comes from: It's only "take take take" "give me give me give me"; "I was born White Catholic & Privileged so can do whatever I want" attitude; feeling for others is just beyond her. 

She didn't even really feel anything when people were murdered at her concert. It was all about her.  She didn't think about parents losing their children, she just didn't feel. It was still about her party dress, hair do, if her dress was wrinkled, and her wimpy little tunes that have no real soul as people grieved over bloodied children, the loss of life.  She never felt passionate about anything much at all, let alone any real passion for people who patronize her.  She never stood up and fought for anything right ever; never fought for justice, never stood up for people's rights, never cared about anyone else but herself.  

Her hand reached out to steal, grab, and take what belongs to anyone else anytime, just because she was born that way, coddled, and never taught that other people's rights do exist and belong to us.  They changed her stance some though after copying my artistic creation. They spread her legs much wider; it figures that men did the art directing on this... made her look like she wants to "fuck" or is just a sex symbol of some sort. Then they have her hand reach out as if she has a right to steal, trample on anyone's rights, take what is not hers, in ritualistic Aryanhood mentality, that others don't have a right to thrive and succeed. She can stick her fucking fingers in anyone's pie, without even flinching, no matter what damages she causes just because she is a spoiled rotten brat, a brainwashed heartless slutty type.   

I am holding peace in my hands, pearls of wisdom, and knowledge. I wear love  around my solar plexus area.   

Grande's Copy taken from My Artwork 

I've been writing songs since I was 3 years old. I've performed for many label executives playing in many varied bands spanning over 3 decades.  I sung in R&B bands, rock bands, pop bands, jazz bands, and even covered standard music. I sang opera arias, recorded broadway songs, played piano, guitar, 12 string, some violin, and bass in live shows and on recordings.  

I've been to every single major label repeatedly over the many years.  I've played with some known musicians who were on major tours and street musicians in bands.  

I tried and tried and tried and tried, year after year devoting long days and years to the music industry all for nothing, zilch, zero monies, left destroyed, in debt, homeless, hungry, starving, in hospitals, hurt, raped, traumatized, and still hated for being born into a Jewish family. 

Even if I knew and met Jesus and know most Christians will not even have the chance to really know him, and even with my understanding of deeper levels of spirituality, my long years of devotion and commitment, writing classical music, ballets, classical music never done before, I still see mostly men getting hired, almost all males gaining recognition, all males with economic wealth and security and me: Being Jewish and female makes me an outcast, unwanted, my voice silenced, hated, and faced by an ungrateful so called, "free world" filled with ingratitude, racism, and anti Semitism. 

I just have to face it: I lived my life in abundant suffering being raped since a child, being humiliated at jobs, companies, and almost everywhere I went. I was force fed with drugs, I was treated like trash, as if I didn't matter at all, left in the dust, abandoned, stolen from repeatedly watching other people rake in and profit billions of dollars thus far, including Warner Brothers while I struggle to pay my heating bill, go homeless, hungry at times, traumatized from poverty, living in some of the worse areas, while witnessing other people exploit me, living like King Henry the VIII personalities, including females.  

I now document my Jewish experience in the USA for historical reasons, so one day, in the future, possibly with the progress of human thought & humankind, that progressed and triumphant people will read this with me; will right a wrong, as the victims felt during the Holocaust praying for the future children of future generations while losing their lives, being forced into ghettos, starvation, and burned alive in ovens; as Black slaves prayed for future generations of their offspring before being hung on nooses, raped or murdered, or having their children robbed from them to be used as slaves and sexual objects of a master's despicable lusts; as Natives prayed to Great Spirit for the future of their offspring before they were rounded up like cattle, robbed of their sacred artifacts and religious items; robbed their names and cultures, land, and their food; before they were shot by guns, or their women members were raped; before their religious items were put up for sale in curiosity shops, I pray that America does in fact change and it is not great to me as those who were born into great privilege feel it is. My family was brought here to be experimented on and tortured only; what was yours originally allowed into the US for? 

This is what I'd like to say to Grande and her asshole thieves: You betrayed me and hurt me. You caused me great despair, sickness, trauma, and unbearable hardships. You left a huge mess you didn't clean up. You tripled my suffering and pain. You attempted murder through depriving justice and economic satisfaction, another form of pushing people to the death road. You pompously displayed my art without even a mention of my name. I HAVE A NAME YOU BITCH! You goddamned hideous nightmare humans so insensitive and horrifying.  How dare you trespass? And Ariana Grande you bitch, you goddamned piece of shit low life sadist and bastard of Satan with you fucking clan of thugs! Now I have to contend with lawyers and live to see the day you learn what doing right is all about. I was born into this country with the same rights as you, I'll have you know and whether you deprived them from me or not, I was still born here with the same rights.  You may not believe so, but the truth is the truth.  

You trampled my rights, trampled my property, my family's property and invaded in a way, that does not suit today's laws.  The humiliation is quite unbearable and horrible.  I have endured not only a war, I didn't start, but then when I try to heal and recover, you pound me again with the same abuses I suffered from since attempting to earn a living in the music industry.  You came in much later; but open doors swung open due to your color and your religion, pampering, and coddling growing up.  

I didn't have it so lucky. My family was tortured even though my father saved lives, helped people, and healed them from sickness. Because we were Jews, we weren't held in any regard at all, our rights violated, our lives somewhat destroyed as a cruel evil mayhem pervaded our lives.  I wasn't born into safety.  

I wasn't born being favored or wealthy. I was born into poverty with honest hardworking parents who cared about life, community, integrity, diligence, and caring about others no matter what color or religion they were. We had no racist knowledge in my family. We weren't born to believe we were better, we weren't born to believe we had to convert anyone either believing we were any better either; we were born thinking that tolerance was the only way. We were taught this. We weren't told that anyone was less than, more than, worse than, and there was no group of people that were ousted from our idea of rights, morality, dignity, and honesty either.  My father saved lives no matter what color, race, or religion because that is the only thing he intended to do. 

We struggled, all of us, to earn honest livings, to gain careers as it was all stripped away from us, first from my father, who earned a phD in medicine; then my mother because we became targets and victims to only be used and oppressed because of our religion or used in unethical human experiments.  

You may get off on the awful cruelty, and culture that does still live in America, but I'm here to tell you to get the hell off my mountain and come off your evil red demon of yourself.  

I don't have to forgive either nor will ever forget. Your devices will go down in music history, the harm you did, and the truth will speak much louder than the lies you would like to create with your group of lying conning con artists you hired to rob me.  

You will pay and a judge will help me.  For putting me through all the extra hard work of contending with the judicial process, you will pay as well for you can't get off the hook easily, even if I have to wait for justice, which justice usually takes.  

As I continue to live in what I feel is post Holocaust conditions with Aryan mentalities in my Own country I served, and did years of quality services for, saving lives, economy, cities, and people through my diligent works; you will not bear children that feel privileged more so than I am; you will not bear children in this country who feel more empowered by color, religion or sect. That is my hope... for just how you'd like people to purchase your product with honesty and integrity, I'd like the same and have that right. I'm not afraid of your Aryan mentalities or of being who I am.  I have full respect for my own works.  

Your religious persecution of me, never gave you a right to violate the basic American laws no matter what fallacy or lie you can make up.  People of conscience will realize the truth.  

I will win and winning means bettering your conscience and improving your chances of experiencing the higher qualities of being a human as well. It means you learn to do what is right, not to steal from people, hurt and torture people already down, out, and suffering; it means you learn to grow an inch of conscience that other people exist & their rights demand respect, which includes mine.  

If you can't do this, you are the one walking around without any semblance of what good feelings are actually like or being a spiritual being.  You can climb owning mountains of gold and never know what it's like to be kind, genuinely generous, caring, decent, humane, and honest. You will die drowned by the heaviness of bullion, maybe even stolen teeth melted down stolen from Holocaust victims; Go try walking on water sometime with it all: You walk in the dark and live in the dark, a dark soul, with dark intentions, corrupt conventions, and a voice that matches a despicable void, a black hole of injustice and senseless thievery. 

You won't be protected from yourself, that is. You can contend with yourself as you are ongoing and live with a void called, Lack of integrity, a dark emptiness not feeling genuine pride or a good feeling about it all; or you can change, generously make real amends, be humble, admit your wrongs, and try to be a better you.  Your mother should have taught you these things a long time ago, but I guess her too winds up her own life with a certain privilege being born into White Hood first of all, Catholic or of the Christian faith, and believing that other groups of people are not as good or don't deserve the same success, privileges, or happiness. 

It's unfortunate that racism deafens and blinds people, so that even though the wisdom is available, they are deaf and blind to it; they may as well be walking around like sheep following doom to their own slaughter.